402 – How to Live a More Enriched and Peaceful Life with Teresa McCloy

You're listening to Gift Biz Unwrapped guest,

episode number 402.

I wanna live out my life from who I'm being,

not what I'm doing.

Attention Gifters,

bakers, crafters and makers pursuing your dream can be fun.

Whether you have an established business or looking to start one

now you are in the right place.

This is Gift Biz Unwrapped,

helping you turn your skill into a flourishing business.

Join us for an episode packed full of invaluable guidance,

resources and the support you need to grow your gift biz.

Here is your host Gift Biz gal Sue Moon Heights.

Hi there,

it's Sue and I am so happy that you're here with

me on this Christmas Eve day.

If you're listening right as this is released,

that is I always like to give you something extra special

for the holidays in the years past,

we've had some Christmas stories from author Heidi Swain,

an explanation of holiday traditions that might surprise you.

A popular Christmas poem revised by yours truly to reflect small

handmade business and some other fun spins for the holidays as

well. I'll put the links to my favorites in the show

notes if you'd like to go back and take a listen

for this year.

I decided to do something still entertaining,

but with the spin of providing you with hope for a

new way of living in the upcoming year.

Whoa, that sounds big,

doesn't it?

A new way of living yet.

That's exactly what you'll hear about right now and this may

be one of the best gifts you could ever give yourself

to enrich everything that you do in the days to come.

Teresa, I am so excited that you agreed to come on

this show for this special Christmas Eve episode.

Well it is so great to be back and the invitation

just felt so good when you said let's do a Christmas

Eve episode.

I'm like,

absolutely. Let's do this.

I'm excited.

Zoom. Yeah,

me too.

The last time you were on the podcast was way back

That was a New Year's show.

You're getting like my primo spot here.

I love it.

I didn't remember it being the New Year's show,

so that's awesome.

Yeah, it was the New Year's show cuz we were kind

of like setting the stage for the new year and that

was all about the Enneagram,

you know,

and really diving into that and anyone who's listening who isn't

familiar with the Enneagram,

go back and listen to that episode.

It's number 2 47,

but so much has happened since then.

It has.

You did have the real life process branded at that point.

I was just starting it.

Yes. It was being implemented.

I was using it with private clients,

which is a life process that we take people through of

kind of learning to live from Rust,

not rush.

And how does that look different in a framework to do

that with.

And the Enneagram is still from a personality profile that we

use, it's still a part of it.

And so the Enneagram is similar to like Colby,

a lot of people are familiar with like Colby and Disk

and some of those things and it's just the tool that

we use.

But we were just developing out kind of in the background,

our framework for the real life process.

we have done that and launched a book this year with

the whole framework in it.

And I appreciate the invitation to just be on this episode

with you.

Well it's such a special concept and we were talking a

little bit about it before we press the record button.

But as you go through life and especially I'm gonna talk

to everyone who's listening here as handmade creators,

starting your own business,

putting something out in the world that's so personal to you,

you do it for a lifestyle business,

but we all know it's way more than that.

And then you get this business creep,

I'll call it,

where it takes over your life.

You know,

you constantly are thinking about it.

It's like another baby actually when you're starting a business.

But very quickly,

and I've seen this happen to me,

it still happens to me.

My business takes over my life instead of being part of

my life.

And what I see with what you are doing is it

really helps you reground yourself.

I Love hearing your insights from it because it's so fun

for me to just hear how it resonated with you.

Your listenership,

your audience is probably as close to like my ideal reader

or ideal client as anyone because it is those people that

say I'm gifted to do this and I know I'm supposed

to do this and this is my offering to the world.

But then,

right, it becomes the end all.

And that's my life story in so many ways.

Like it becomes the end all whatever we're doing.

And so yeah,

let's kind of flesh it out.

I'd love to hear how that played out for you This

time of year.

We're always trying to put some of our business aside if

we can and reconnect with family.

Recognize what's really important to us.

You know,

whether it's religion,

family, being with friends,

the more personal side starts to get to come up to

the top again.

But the thing that I love about the real life process

that's really resonating with me is the fact that it's making

you look inside yourself about what's really,

really important for you,

but the result of it,

there's one sentence in your book and when I got to

it and I'm like this,

I have to read on the podcast because this brings it

all together.

Okay, so we've got our personal life,

we've got all the things we do for work,

all the roles we play,

mom, educator,

volunteers, businesswoman,

all of that.

But all of that has to integrate somewhere in your life,

right? And so here's the sentence that really brought it together

for me on page 144,

anyone who has or will be getting the book and it

says, I'm now present to who I am being first before

doing so who I am as a person first before all

this activity that I fit into my days.

I still pursue lots of things,

but it comes from a different place,

a truer,

more authentic place that dwells deep within my soul.

When I read that,

I'm like man,

like we don't want our days just passing us by without

them being rich and fulfilling and intentional,

which is a lot of what we don't do.

There's no intention to our days.

We just run through the minutes and the hours rushing from

one thing to another.

And that one sentence to me of the whole book is

like, that's what real life is all about.

The whole process incorporating it and starting to follow it is

that Thank you friend for just pulling out that one quote

because if you are watching me on video right now,

I always point to my belly.

I don't know why,

but it's when we're living our life from an internal place,

not an external.

So external feels like this is happening to me and I'm

not choosing what's happening to me,

it's just happening.

I refer to the book often.

I say you're living with your hair on fire.

Like you're just moving to putting out the next fire to

the next fire,

to the next fire.

And entrepreneurs and business owners especially live in that.

And we become so used to it that we don't ever

get up on the balcony of our life and just pause

and say,

gosh, have I spent the last year or 90 days doing

what I would say matters to me?

Title of the book,

do what matters,

live from rest,

not rush.

And we know rest doesn't mean I'm gonna go take a

nap every day.

Rest is an internal place that feels good that go,

wow, everything I did today revolved around these areas in my

life that I say matter.

Business being one of them but not the only one.

So does every day,

or at least every week,

I kind of look at the weekly calendar,

have parts of it that relate to the things that matter

to me,

the people that matter to me.

Many times when I go to a workshop for a bunch

of business owners,

whether they're brick and mortar or whether they're creative entrepreneurs like

your audience and I say,

Hey, let's look at your calendar and then you know,

just pull it up on your phone,

pull it up on your iPad,

your laptop,

whatever. And I'll say what matters to you?

Almost 90% of people would say,

my family,

my friends,

my inner circle,

my team,

almost all of them would say relational.

Very few people are saying,

you know,

I'm really,

it matters to me what the next product is I create.

And then when I ask the deeper question,

right, like so show me where those things are at on

your calendar.

Then it's like,

well crap,

They're not on My calendar.

Like the aha moment is like they're not there because we

try to fit those things in the nooks and the crannies

and the leftovers.

I don't even like leftovers out of the fridge,

I'll be honest,

like and yet I'm trying to fit the things I say

matter the most to me in the leftover time at nine

o'clock at night after you finally got done doing whatever and

you're like,

now I'll sit down and watch the TV show with my

significant other or whatever.

It's in the cracks.

And I know you and I had talked at this time

of year especially,

could we create a fresh start around that?

I call them people blocks.

So we'll get to that in a minute.

We're gonna get to that and everybody stay tuned cuz we're

gonna have a challenge for you.

Oh yes,

we're, I had asked Teresa if this was appropriate and she

lit up and thought yes.

So stay tuned to hear about that.

But that has to fit in with some more conversation.

But to your point about the calendar,

I think unintentionally and I,

there's that word again,

but what happens is we feel like the business things have

to take priority cuz they're always on deadline and a lot

of our personal things aren't or can be switched.

Yes. And then what happens is they keep getting backed up

and then they either never happen or they're rushed through or

we're not even really getting the richness out of the moment

because we're thinking about,

dang I'm having coffee with a friend,

but I have all this other work stuff that I have

to do.

So I think the value of the moments also goes down

when you're spending the time there,

gosh, you might as well be getting everything out of it,

but it all goes to how are you planning on living

your life and how does it work,

Right? It comes to,

we call 'em components.

We have four components that we talk about in the book

and in that first component,

the internal work that you were talking about,

the deep down gut,

kind of what matters to me,

questions, once you've decided those five to seven kind of big

rocks areas of focus that you have in your life,

again, I think this is some myth that we've been taught

that all of that can be done at the same time.

Like I have five to seven areas that matter to me

and I should be giving attention to every single one of

them all the time.

Now you and I are in a season of life and

many people are where other things come,

right? We have parents we need to care for,

we have adult children that still need our attention.

We have things that are going on that shift in our

life and so that needs our attention.

And so it's okay to say right now maybe,

and a lot of people would disagree with me,

but maybe my health is not,

I'm not gonna start a new exercise program right now because

the capacity for me to do that right now and also

care for an aging parent or take care of someone or

give attention to my business is not the exact time to

do this.

Doesn't mean my health,

my self care,

my soul care doesn't matter.

It's just not the project that I'm working on in this

90 days.

Because to start a new exercise program or sign up for

yoga takes a commitment of time and energy.

Eventually it might become just a part of your routine.

And I think that's the misnomer we've been sold is that

we can take all those areas of life and we can

do something big in all of them all the time.

How about we give it some harmony and break it down

into smaller incremental areas and say this 90 days,

these two or three things matter.

And in 90 days I'll look at my areas again and

decide which ones business is always gonna be in there,

but it can't be the only one that we're focusing on

all the time Or it may be a different level of

business at the time.

Exactly. I said this in an episode a little while ago

that I was at a trade show recently and someone came

up to the booth,

we were talking about different things and she's like,

I don't know that I wanna go to the next level.

And I'm like,

well then don't,

Yeah, that's fine.

And she's like,

what? And I'm like,

I'm giving you permission.

Like if you are happy where you are,

you're making money,

it's fulfilling your needs and you're are having a life.

You don't have to grow your business any bigger.

At least now you could always decide too later.

And her response was so funny because she's like,

I can.

And I'm like,

yes, and you are just as successful.

It's a conscious decision you're making,

But you gave her permission,

right? To say for this next year in that area of

focus, I'm content,

what would it feel like to be content?

We're sold sometimes this bill of goods and it always has

to be the next thing and then the next thing.

And if you don't have four team members and you're not

doing all this business or taking it to double and triple

figures and six figures or whatever,

that it's really sitting down and saying,

what do I want this area of my life to be

about? And writing out even a statement around that area of

life. Like right now,

my extended family matters to me.

They're one of my areas of focus.

So it is seeing my parents once a month in person

talking to them on the phone two to three times a

week. I'm that specific with what it looks like for this

area of my life to matter.

Then I break that down into how's that gonna happen?

Well I'm probably gonna have to put it on my calendar.

I'm gonna have to think out what days can I get

there that's not gonna affect my business if I plan ahead

of time and now I've got a plan for the next

three to four months of how that's all gonna work.

Does it always come out perfectly?

No. But if it gets to 80%,

we've made progress,

right? Yeah.

If it gets to that,

we've made progress.

So that means I'm saying no to some other things.

Cuz every time we say yes to something means we are

saying no to something else.

And the result then is a life that looks different because

you've got your things planned out that are really important to

you. You've identified certain,

are they called values then?

Needs? Values?

I'm not sure.

Yeah, the values and needs work that you had mentioned even

before we started.

It's one of the exercises I have in the book.

It's an assessment that we have and we have a sample

of that in the book that can really get you started

and once you say these are the values.

And so how do I live those values out?

Like I have a value of impact making an impact.

So how do I live that value of impact out not

only in my business but in the relationships?

How do I impact in my family?

How do I impact in my friendships cuz impact is different

things in different places.

So I can live out that value of impact.

I have a value of empathy and I have a very

dear friend walking through stage four cancer right now.

And so how do I live out that value of empathy

there? How do I allow time and space on my calendar

to say,

you know,

things matter but this matters a lot and this value gets

lived out.

When I say yes to the area of focus of deep

friendships, that's one of my areas that matters in my life

is three to four deep friendships.

I can't be deep friends with 25 people,

but I know that I can pour in and they would

pour back into me.

So that's how the values piece ties to the next level,

which is the areas of focus.

So we just kind of build up in layers to help

you discover who do I wanna be?

Going back to the sentence you read from the book,

I wanna live out my life from who I'm being,

not what I'm doing.

Like that's just a title.

You know,

I'm not gonna do that forever,

but I'm gonna be who I am forever.

And so the whole idea of then the real life process

is taking that who you really are and what's important to

you and integrating it into your days so that you're actually

living the things that are most important to you.

And also getting things done and having them actually happen versus

just giving it lip service,

if you will.

Yes. And so I'm not only getting things done around my

business, people that are falling this process,

it's like a life map.

It's a place to say I have written down and I

have declared and I have stated these things matter to me

and when I need to check myself.

In our last component we talk about a weekly review.

And so when I need to check myself once a week

for 20 or 30 minutes,

I go,

let me pull out my little life map here that I've

written out and let me say,

oh gosh,

I did so well here.

Like I was leaning into that this week,

but you know this area,

even though it's not my focus for the next 90 days,

I don't wanna let it slide so far off.

So you always have kind of these stakes in the ground

and then you don't have to go start a new program

every six months and go,

oh this is probably the best book I'll ever read on

time management and things.

And then I'll start another one and another one in another

one. And we're looking for the answers out there somewhere when

I know you work with coaching too,

the answers are in us.

We'll just slow down long enough and do a little bit

of deeper introspective work and then go back out in the

world and do the work that we're supposed to do to

build for our families and those that we love and do

all the things,

but we gotta do the deep little bit of work internally

to live it out Externally.

Yeah, for sure.

So the idea here is to enrich your life and your

days with things that are the most important to you.

So the process includes four,

you call them components.

Can you quickly review What those are for us?

Sure, I can.

So the first component,

and these don't have to be done in any order,

that's why we call 'em components,

not steps because we want you to meet where you are.

So you mentioned like I've read through the whole book,

but now I'm gonna go back and read it again.

We want it to be like a reference of components in

some ways.

And that's the way our facilitators and myself as a coach

and our coaches work with people.

So the first component is real life being that's getting down

into the internal self,

right? What are your needs?

What are your values?

Do you have a life mission statement?

Do you know what you're good at?

Like what assessments have you taken,

Enneagram, Colby,

whatever. Let's capture all of those and say this is who

I am,

this is a part of my being.

And then what are the big rocks,

the areas of focus that matter in your life.

Family, business,

self-care, soul care,

friendships, financial recreation.

The thing about the relay process is you get to name

those sue and you get to give them language.

Cuz my language would be different than yours,

right? I can give you suggestions,

but you may call your business your profession or you may

call it you know something else.

So it's really living into your real life.

So it's yours.

So that's the first step.

Second step is how do I take those areas of focus

and say in the next 90 days,

this is what I need to focus on.

And we do that through some mind mapping tools.

We have some ways and we share in the book of

how you can break that down and discover like,

okay, in my business in the next 90 days I'm gonna

need to do this,

this, this and this.

Which one of those really is the most important?

Cuz I can't do all of those.

So there's a little discernment,

a little exercise that you can figure out.

Or in my life,

like in the season that we're in right now,

a lot of you have just spent a lot of time

preparing for Christmas and getting ready.

That actually is a project and we kind of forget.

It's really a personal thing that takes up some time and

space for us.

And so how do I identify that this is going on?

That's component number two.

We call that real life action.

How do I decide what I need to focus on and

give it actionable steps?

Then this third component is real life time.

Now this is the one that a lot of people will

show up at our doorstep for.

Help me figure out what to do in my week and

how to do it and let's put out a little bit

of that fire.

So real lifetime we talk about how to block time that

matters through four different little identities that we give your time.

A lot of this you're already doing,

you just haven't given it language.

So a present block on your calendar where you do some

self-care, soul care,

take care of you,

personal development,

exercise, a people block,

which we can dive into a little bit.

Who are the people that matter to you and are they

on your calendar?

A project block?

Going back to those things that you decided in this 90

days you need to work on.

We have to set aside some time to do do those.

So we have to have some blocks of project time.

And then the last one we call a prep block.

A prep block is where a lot of people spend all

their time.

You know it's answering emails,

putting out fires,

managing their calendar,

running all their errands.

If we let all of that eat up all our time,

we don't get to the other three.

And a lot of entrepreneurs spend all their time in prep

blocks. So a lot of our time management learning is how

to narrow down two to three small prep blocks a day

to allow time for the bigger projects and for the relationships

and for the self care.

So narrowing down,

prep blocks,

expanding the others is a large part of that third component.

And then the last component is component number four.

And I call it the three Rs.

Do you know how to rest?

This is another big one for entrepreneurs.

Do you know how to take a day off like a

complete day off?

No, most of us don't.

Nor did I.

And what I mean by a day off is a day

that's lived at a slower different pace.

No appointments on your calendar.

We were designed to have a day off.

Our bodies need it,

our minds need it,

our emotions need it.

That doesn't mean you're laying in bed all day,

although that's an option if you need it,

that's an option.

That's good self-care,

I just need to sleep all day,

that's okay.

But what does rest look like?

What does renew look like?

And that's a different kind of block of time.

Renew is what do you enjoy doing?

So I'd ask you,

Sue, do you even have a hobby besides,

I mean you may have even started your business,

many of your creators,

right, started their business as a hobby and now the thing

they love the most that was renewing to them is a

business and it's taken over their life,

right? So they need to find something different to do.

And I always say it's best if it's not on screens

or it's not doing what you've been doing all day.

So is it riding a bike?

Is it learning to create something different?

Doing sculpting or painting or something like that?

Is it something you wanna do with a significant other or

a spouse like learn to play golf or whatever it is.

Like something that you could do for six to seven hours

that's renewing Six to seven hours And look at she's right

now her eyes got really bad,

like stepping away.

So what does it feel like to not be in technology

to really renew for most people?

We find that that's some type of outdoor activity because we're

inside a lot.

So what would it feel like to get sunshine,

to walk on the beach,

to walk and go hiking and maybe you start with three

to four hours,

but we wanna expand that so rest,

renew, and then review.

How do I set aside 30 minutes a week to just

review what's my week look like going forward?

What did I need to remember from this week that didn't

go exactly the way I kind of mapped it out?

And what's the learning and takeaways?

That doesn't have to be a long exercise,

but it's important.

And most people find that either a Friday evening,

a Saturday morning over coffee,

I personally do my weekly review on Sunday evening after my

day of rest on Sunday evening,

about five o'clock I sit down my calendar.

Sometimes it's a conversation with my husband,

what's your week look like?

What do you got going on?

Because again,

he matters.

Even my adult daughter,

you know,

I wanna make sure I'm getting together with them if I

can once a week cuz they live close by.

So I'm plugging in things for the next couple of weeks.

I'm reviewing my calendar,

reviewing my projects.

And once you live in this lifestyle for three to six

months, it just becomes natural that you think,

how would I not do a weekly review?

And probably most of your listeners are doing that in some

way, shape,

or form.

It's just tweaking a little bit of these things in their

calendar and going,

oh, I never thought that that was a project block.

I just say to myself all the time,

I can't get things done.

Yeah. So sometimes what we're saying in our head is not

really the reality.

When I look at some of my client's calendars,

I'm like,

you're doing all these things,

let's just name them and let's get let go of a

false belief that you're not living a great life cuz you're

living a great life.

Let's just tweak a few things.

Yeah. Yeah.

So That's kinda the process in a nutshell and some great

work. Yeah.

A couple of observations and some questions.

Yeah, let's do It.

The review stage,

I feel is also a place for you to show grace

to yourself.

Yes. Because maybe you didn't do what you had thought you

would be able to accomplish.

That's okay.

It's in the process and that's what you do at the

end. Maybe you tweak what that task was.

Yep. So that it will work.

Or maybe it's not even relevant.

Something dramatically changed in your week where it dropped to the

bottom. So I see review as a great place just to

look, monitor,

adjust, stay on course,

and have grace.

Yes. Yes.

Grace is a huge part of that step because say you

got a phone call that something drastic happened with someone you

love, well that you just automatically rescheduled three days.

And so you're gonna give grace or say,

you know,

one of your projects did need more attention than you thought.

You do the adjustment you give yourself grace.

And I think that's an important part,

Sue, because if we don't,

it's still ruminating in our head for three or four more

weeks, right?

And now all of a sudden it's throwing off a bunch

of other things because you're still stuck on,

I just didn't have a great week three weeks ago and

now everything's instead of just giving the pause of grace.

So that's a great observation.

Thank you.

Okay, so still in the living of the component,

we're gonna go backwards a little bit here,

Right? That's fine.

In the living when you're saying rest,

which is a lot of self-care.

So I go out and I like to take my walks

and yeah,

I listen to podcasts or audiobook sometimes during my walks,

but that's my choice.

I don't have to if I didn't want to.

Does that go into rest or does that go into renew?

Isn't this a fascinating conversation?

Perhaps it's sparking some ideas for you on how you can

live your life into next year in a different,

more enriched and authentic way.

You're gonna hear more conversation about this right after a quick

break. I wanted to pause this discussion for a second to

let you know that I recognize you may be feeling overwhelmed

right now.

I mean,

I bring on great guests who are specialists in their fields

and we get into fabulous conversations that you know can help

grow your business.

So after the show you have the full intention of grabbing

a download,

making an adjustment on your website or any number of other

ideas that arise as a result of this podcast.

But what happens,

you get back to your other activities and the momentum you

once had gets lost.

What you've planned to do is forgotten,

then you feel bad because your business is going on as

usual without implementing anything that you know would help grow your

business. We're just too busy doing all the things like a

robot moving from one thing to another without thinking because we

have to.

I get it,

I've been there.

But guess what?

There is another way.

Since I recognized this exact behavior in my own business,

I set out to do something about it.

And now what works for me,

I'm sharing with you.

I formalized the process and it's called the inspired daily planner,

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schedule appointments and all those other ideas that are now getting

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This makes a great gift too.

So if you have a bis bestie,

pick up a planner for them too.

That link again is gift biz unwrapped.com/inspired.

Okay, let's get back to the show.

Well that to me actually falls in that present block time

that you're doing every day.

So we kind of work with our clients to have a

present block on a daily basis,

right? So that would be your walks and your personal development.

So you're combining exercise and personal development cuz you're listening to

a podcast or an audiobook while you're walking.

So that's all part of having a block of time every

day that you're present to your own self-care.

Rest, to me,

in the real life living piece is actually a day where

you're kind of stepping back from work or again,

and your eyes are gonna get big.

When I say this six to seven hours and saying,

I'm gonna rest today,

I'm gonna,

maybe if I love to cook,

I'm gonna cook a great meal.

I might have some friends over,

we're just gonna relax together.

I'm gonna watch a movie,

I'm gonna go out to dinner,

I'm just gonna take a day off.

And that is something that is so renewing because many times

in that day off you'll have a great idea because you've

stepped away from being in the weeds.

That is so true.

I mean,

sometimes on my day of rest I go out and work

in my yard and I work in my flower beds and

I love to just weed out the,

now I'm still being productive,

right? I'm doing something I love to do,

but my mind is in a different space and it feels

so restful for me to get off the Zoom calls out

of the creative,

out of the content creation,

out of all the things we do in our businesses and

to just be in a different space many times.

There is just something that drops into my head of,

oh, that's the solution to that problem.

That's how I wanna handle that.

That's a new vision I wanna create.

That's a new thing that's gonna go on my someday list.

But we don't get there unless we rest right into something.

Totally Agree with that.

But so then how is that different from Renew?

Because you might enjoy a hobby that you've put in your

rest, but you said hobbies renew.

Well it is a small distinguish.

What I'm looking for to encourage people that wanna change this

lifestyle is that you have both.

You have times where you're really checking out and then you

have times where renew sometimes is learning something new,

right? Like I wanna learn something new.

Maybe I wanna learn a new language,

maybe I wanna learn to do a different hobby.

It just has a small distinguish.

It's gonna still feel restful.

So let's go back to the old idea of having a

weekend. A what?

A what,

right? Yeah,

because we can work from home and we can work anytime

we want.

As entrepreneurs,

we don't give boundaries to our days.

So just identifying that I want,

and for me,

I want my Saturday to be a,

there's not an appointment on my calendar.

It is white space.

It is margin galore.

So if I wanna get up late and linger over coffee

and read through all the emails that I love to read

from my friends like you and just really spend time,

you know,

just in that inbox,

just reading all the stuff or reading the newspaper or reading

a good book out on my porch or getting in my

hot tub,

like what will bring life back into me And I do

it a different pace and then the rest day is just

a little bit different in.

So it's thinking about that old weekend that we used to

get when everything was closed down on the weekend and we

made choices because there was nowhere to go or nothing to

do. So we renewed ourselves and we rested the Saturday Sunday

kind of rhythm.

Now for some of your people it might be a Sunday,

Monday or a Tuesday Wednesday and they don't even have to

be back to back.

Although I think there's something that feels good about a different

couple of days and then I'm back in again and then

a different couple of days.

So it's the rhythm,

behavior and routine of this flow,

right, that we can get from renewal and rest.

Right? And I'm thinking that some of our listeners are like,

I can't do that.

I have orders every day.

Orders are expected to go out every day.

And I'm a one woman show,

so every time there's an order I've gotta flip and turn

it around right away.

I've come to find your customer's understanding you can also teach

your customers what to expect.

Yeah, that's what I would say to Sue if I was

coaching with someone who said,

but I can't do that.

The question I would ask is why?

Because like we have an assessment that we do for the

Enneagram and the needs and values and we have it written.

If someone purchases those that you can explain to your clients,

it's a 24 hour turnaround Monday through Friday.

And people know that if you are a kind of small

business owner,

you are showing them that you have great boundaries around your

business for that reason.

You're gonna be around a long time because you have good

boundaries. Whereas so many people burn out because you know,

or how can we create a better system and process so

that you don't have to ship on the weekends or that

you know there's something in place that somebody else ships for

you on Saturday and Sunday so that you can have that.

So is that the higher that you need to make to

give yourself that margin as the CEO and business owner of

your business so that you can be at your best creative

self. So there's a lot of things that over time you're

not gonna do this all at once.

Over time you make small incremental steps to live differently.

You didn't get here overnight.

That's what I said.

It took me three or four years in small incremental steps

to develop my process and say this works.

And I think you need the time to get there too.

You do.

You can't devote weeks and weeks a hundred percent devoted time

and get there.

You need to put in those weeks and months to see

how it evolves.

It's small incremental steps.

Yeah. And that's why we look at the components and say

which component,

if I'm working with a client privately,

I'm kind of like,

which feels truest for you that we need to look at?

Is it the rest and renew piece?

Is it the time piece?

Is it down in the needs and values?

So you can start anywhere in the process.

Yes, it would work great if we built it from the

ground up,

but it's kind of like,

where are you at right now?

What is really your most pressing place that you need to

lean into?

And that's why you can go back in the book and

just reread a chapter and say this is where I'm gonna

start, this is where I'm gonna dive in.

This feels the best right now.

Yeah. And getting some small wins along the way feels really

good. Yes.

So important.

Yeah. Just for your psyche and to keep your momentum going

and continuing.

All right,

so now we're going back to component three and we're not

hitting all of these because it's the holidays.

I want you guys to get out and do other things

besides listening.

Yes. And we're gonna talk about that.

Yeah. And if you're listening and it's not the holidays,

all of this just incorporates into your life.

So we are giving ideas for the holidays,

but it can be for any day For sure.

So when you talk about the blocks,

one final observation and then we're gonna get into the fun

stuff. Okay.

Okay. Again,

the blocks are present people project and prep.

And I find it fascinating that prep is last because you'd

always expect prep to be right at the first.

Like that's the beginning.

But to your point,

emails, all these things,

all these tasks that have become so routine for us to

do, I've had to go back and look at myself and

say, does the result of doing that task even matter?

Mm. And by doing that,

I filtered out a lot of things that have just been

on my calendar and my routine and I find,

you know what they mattered at one time,

they don't matter now,

or I can do it a different way or it takes

way more time than the result.

It's not worth It.

Wow. That's awesome.

And weed things out.

And so I think that also sits in prep just for

analysis as we're all going through and thinking about this for

ourself. I often talk about the time blocks as if you've

been on an airplane.

You know,

they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first

and then take care of your baby,

your elderly person,

those next to you,

that is actually the present block and the people block lived

out, right?

So I need to take care of me or I'm no

good to anyone,

right? So I have to be in good health,

I have to be in good mental,

you know,

this goes into some of that Enneagram work of body,

mind and emotions,

right? Like I need to regulate me and be in a

good space before I can give my best to those I

care about,

which is the people block.

So that's why I encourage people,

if you're building out your ideal week,

put in your present blocks first,

then put in the people blocks that you wanna have in

the next week.

And some of those may be repetitive.

Like every Friday night's a date night for my husband and

I, that's a people block every Friday night.

So I can put that in from now till whenever in

Google or whatever you use,

put in the people blocks,

what you'd like for them to be.

Now we've got present our own care,

we've got our people now put in the projects,

the big things you're doing both personally and professionally.

We recommend two to three projects every 90 days.

So you know,

every 90 days you're kind of reviewing,

but you have time blocked out an hour and a half,

two hours to work on those projects.

So, and then the preps go in between those and then

make sure you have white space.

Mm. Just place that isn't claimed by anything.

Because we know Dave Ramsey says,

Murphy's moving in,

there's gonna be something that Happens.

Absolutely. He's always outside the door.

Yeah, somewhere there's Gonna be something.

Yeah. Software doesn't work,

orders don't process things don't go through that.

You have to give some attention to.

Yeah. Plus the reason for the white space,

and I talk about this in the book,

that's where the moments that matter will happen.

Ooh. That's where you linger in a conversation with a team

member or a client or a customer or your spouse or

your adult kids or your kids that are,

you're taking care of at home and maybe homeschooling.

That's where you have the margin to linger.

And I can guarantee you most of those white space moments

where you get to linger will be with people.

They'll be like,

this matters.

I need to slow down enough to listen.

Right? Like my kid just came home from school and they

need me to listen.

Right? Or my spouse just called and they need me to

listen and I've got the margin,

the white space to do that.

So that's how we kind of work with time in that

way and how we order a calendar.

Yeah. So I'm thinking at the place we're at right now,

Christmas Eve day,

moving into the following week.

Now we all don't have your book yet,

haven't gone through the process cuz it takes some thinking and

some work,

you know,

worksheet planning and all of that to get that in.

But I feel like we can offer an idea for everybody

to think of using right now.

And that is,

you tell me differently if I'm wrong Teresa,

okay? But as you're going into whatever your plans are for

Christmas Eve,

even if you find yourself alone with a special book,

you know that you're gonna enjoy or you're with family,

you still have that crazy ant that gets on your nerves

all the time or you're like,

you know,

whatever your situation is,

whether it's tonight moving into Christmas,

moving into New Year's to the people block,

is be present in that moment and capture all the value

and the good feeling that it can give you.

Because I know for me so frequently I'm going through the

motions cuz I've gotta get the food on the table and

soon we're gonna unwrap and the dog is doing something crazy

and like,

and I'm missing a conversation with somebody who's very special to

Me. So good.

And you know,

the holidays give us this opportunity because we are kind of

stepping back for many of your listeners,

you know,

they've met all the deadlines,

they've got all the orders out,

and now they've got kind of this golden week maybe that

they're saying,

I wanna put some stuff in here that really is meaningful.

Whether it's today on Christmas Eve,

tomorrow on Christmas,

or throughout this whole week that they'll have ahead of them

or you know,

new Year's weekend,

whatever it is.

And so,

so how you can kind of approach this is just take

a few minutes and say,

who do I wanna spend time with this week?

Who does matter?

Like it matters to go to this Christmas event or this

dinner. Or I have some high school friends that many times

they'll come home,

I'm 61 but I still got high school friends who come

home to see their parents and I still live within an

hour or two of my home.

So we'll plan a dinner together to get together and go

out to a nice dinner and catch up with one another.

What would that feel like to lean into that and to

say this matters to me to be with these people for

a couple of hours,

even if I only get to do it once a year.

How could I invite them to my home or do that?

Who do I wanna have in my home?

Where do I wanna go?

Who would I wanna go out to dinner with?

Who would I wanna have coffee with?

Doesn't mean you pack your whole week,

but what are the three to four really meaningful people?

Because you still have time,

even if you're listening to this on Christmas Eve,

you still have time to call somebody up for a next

Friday coffee,

right? Or a New Year's Eve,

get together for lunch or whatever.

The other thing I think could be helpful for people is

what are the boundaries you wanna have?

So I'm gonna talk about some difficult things cuz you mentioned

the crazy aunt,

right? So what are some boundaries you can have about even

hard places you may know are important for you to show

up with these people because they're family or their friends.

But you go in knowing I'm going to be there for

two hours and then it's okay that I left.

It's okay that I gave myself permission to go,

you know,

this is important for me to be there and my presence

matters and I wanna show up cuz I care.

But it's okay for me to know when I want to

go home and to pay attention to that.

Or it's okay for you to say,

I only need to bring this amount of food to the

occasion. I don't have to bring the whole meal.

So a lot of the work that we get into sometimes

with clients around time,

especially the people block is boundaries.

And that sounds like deep work,

but holidays are some of the most stressful times for people

because they don't go into some of the holiday occasions with

boundaries. Yes,

I'm saying yes to this,

but with this,

and maybe that's a conversation you have to have with a

spouse or a significant other or your children to say,

we're going to,

you know,

aunt Susie's,

sorry if your name is Susie,

but we're going to Aunt Susie.

Hey Teresa,

From one to four and then we're leaving because we wanna

go to Aunt Mary's house at six.

This is one of the things that I hear the most

about at the holidays is just deciding the schedule of where

we're gonna show up and what we're gonna do.

The other thing I think you mentioned,

and I'll throw this in there too,

is what if you're alone at the holidays?

What if you don't have that place to go?

How can you reframe spending Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?

And it is a present block,

it is a,

I get to take care care of me,

so I'm gonna take myself out to dinner or I'm going

to plan an in-home spa day for myself.

Or I'm going to be purposeful in what that day is

and think today about Christmas Eve or Christmas Day or New

Year's Eve,

cuz you know you don't have plans.

So how can you make that a take care of self

day or invite someone else that you know that might be

alone? And how would you wanna spend it with somebody else

I love that.

Or reach out and help others.

Yeah. Or volunteer somewhere.

Yeah. That's part of people blocks too,

is how do you wanna volunteer into your community and be,

so maybe there's somewhere you could serve or volunteer on either

one of those weekends.

So just some ways to,

I think a big word that I lean into is pre

decide. That's a big part of the process is when you

pre decide how things will be,

may not come out exactly that way,

but at least you've put in the intention to say,

I can do my holidays according to my boundaries and still

be super loving to the people that I wanna lean into.

And yeah,

so it's that pre-decision piece of just taking some time to

think ahead of time.

Beautiful. I love that.

And we can all do that right now.

Yes. For in our day to day tomorrow this week or

the future,

whenever it is.

It's a part of life.

It's previous life.

Yeah. So that's one thing.

And I cannot let you go without talking about one more

really special thing.

Sure. Let's do it.

And that is your extraordinary moments.

Yeah. Share with everybody what you do.

And like four years now,

almost five,

not sure.

Yes. So part of my story,

and if you pick up the book,

you'll read a part of my story.

The first three chapters talk about a very difficult season in

our life about five years ago when we lost our adult

son at 30 years old to addiction.

And that really reshaped a lot of,

you know,

just how I was living my life and really began,

I was already doing some pretty deep internal work,

but, and so about four months after that happened,

during that next spring,

I was like,

you know what?

What do I wanna notice about each and every day?

Because there's got to be good things in each and every

day. So what do I wanna notice about each and every

day? And so I began to just take a picture of

something every day that was like,

you know,

this is a great moment right here today.

My picture is going to be on the day that we're

recording this,

a plate of peanut butter cookies with kisses in the middle

that someone left on my table in my office.

Now that's pretty awesome.

Oh yeah,

it is.

And so it's just the littlest of things.

It could be a conversation,

it could be a relationship,

it could be a picture of a flower from my flower

garden, and then I just write a little something about it.

So I think today is 1,520

days that I have done this practice of gratitude really is

what it's become.

And so for,

for me,

it's become a spiritual practice of just saying there is something

good in every single day,

even when you think you can't find it.

But if I don't have the margin,

if I don't have the pause to just stop,

so when those Play-Doh cookies we're here this morning,

I'm like,

this could be it.

This could be the moment.

And I need to notice that and be grateful and thankful

for the friend who,

to be honest,

I haven't seen in a long time.

But she wanted me to sign some books for her that

she bought for Christmas gifts.

And I left them on the table and she came in

and brought me a plate of cookies.

And I'm like,

she used to bring me cookies years ago and we worked

together. And I'm like,

you know,

I just took the pause and just held that moment and

said, this is really cool.

So now that I've done it for so long,

I look for them.

And that's my phrase.

Every ordinary day has an extraordinary moment.

You just have to look for it.

And it's part of that awareness that we can build to

live from a place of rest,

not rush.

And it changes your mindset to say,

there's good things about today.

Everything's not on fire.

The world is not falling apart.

There's goodness in every single day.

Absolutely. And I would love all of us to take on

that idea,

that mindset of look for those things in your day,

maybe we'll have some people start doing what you're doing and

posting it.

Yeah. I have people that have done it in their own

way and it's just become,

and the other beautiful thing is I have these beautiful pictures

of each and every day that tell a story.

When I go look in my photos,

I can remember those moments again and again,

both through Facebook,

which is where I do the post and Instagram,

I do it in both places and also just through my

own photo album.

It's so fun to relive really what are small moments.

And for entrepreneurs we forget to do that.

We just go to the next thing.

Well that went well,

that sales was good,

those things were,

and we're onto the next thing.

Yep. And so it's the pause that makes the difference.

And I find this too,

that if I'm looking and really enjoying and being very present

in my moment,

it's such a deep reward inside.

You feel it inside,

It just slows us down a little bit.

But you have to be conscious of it and recognize it

as such,

not just do the action and go on to the next

thing. You have to take it in.

Yeah. Top Of mind.

Yeah, top of mind.

Absolutely. So good.

So we've reviewed a lot about the real life process already.

If you want to add anything else about that,

please do.

And then let's also talk about your book for a second,

right as we're closing up here.

Sure. Well,

I think we've covered a lot and so we've given enough,

and I just encourage you to lean into right now in

this holiday,

in this first even week of the new year,

what do you want it to be different?

How would you like to,

this is always that time where we do the balcony work

and we get up there and we kind of look at

it all.

But what's small,

small piece encourage you,

if you haven't got the book,

go to do what matters book.com

and you can find out all the ways about the book

book. You can actually,

yeah, just find out.

Get the free resources.

We have a lot of free resources that go with the

book. So thank you Sue,

for allowing me to be in this conversation.

So good.

This has been wonderful,

Teresa, thank you for showing up on such a special day

with such great information.

Happy holidays everyone.

Yes, Happy holidays.

What a gift this can be to live out your life

from who you are being not what you are doing.

It's a whole new approach to living one that's true to

your inner values.

So you can spend your days balanced with all that's truly

the most important.

I encourage you to get Teresa's book.

I'll be honest,

I thought I knew myself,

but when prompted to answer some questions,

I needed some time to really reflect before I could answer,

give this gift to yourself.

Her book can be found at www.thereallifeprocess.com.

And heads up,

there's only one L in real life.

And of course the link is in the show notes page

too. Finally,

I wish you and yours a very merry Christmas and happy

Hanukkah because this year they land together.

I'll be back with you again next week,

which will be New Year's Eve Day where I have yet

another special episode lined up for you.

Once again,

Merry Christmas.

Before you move on to your next activity today,

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