054 – Finding Your Life Purpose with Monika Zands

Gift biz unwrapped episode 54,

But it's not about your purpose.

It's about how you naturally already serve.

Hi, this is John Lee,

Dumas of entrepreneur on fire,

and you're listening to the gift of biz unwrapped.

And now it's time to light it up.

Welcome to gift biz,

unwrapped your source for industry specific insights and advice to develop

and grow your business.

And now here's your host,

Sue Monheit It's Sue and welcome to the gift biz unwrapped

podcast. Whether you own a brick and mortar shop sell online

or are just getting started,

you'll discover new insight to gain traction and to grow your

business. And today I am thrilled to have joining us.

Monica sands.

Monica is an executive business consultant and life strategist who loves

to help successful entrepreneurs tap into their greatness and build massive

empires. Her unique quality is to see through people's perceived limitations

and help them recognize and use their true gifts and expertise.

She's a master communicator and an expert at building excellent teams,

designing clear,

effective business strategies and leadership development roadmaps her powerful,

intuitive guidance helps people clarify a plan for long lasting success

and witnessed their legacy.

Come to fruition.

Monaca encourages people to see their greatness,

be their greatness and pay it forward.

Welcome to the show.

Monica, Thank you,

Sue. I'm so excited to be here.

It's such a pleasure.

I am thrilled that you're here and I know that you're

going to be bringing some really valuable information to our audience

and things that our listeners have never heard before.

It is my pleasure.

And I'm excited to even to share with them how we

met, because I think it's so awesome when you are expanding

out into the world and sharing yourself when you meet incredible

people and the law of attraction just really works.

It's so True.

Well, why don't you take it away?

Why don't you share the story?

Okay, great.

So I was on my path of how do I get

my message out to more people in a way that is

the way I like to communicate?

Cause I'm a very personable person.

I am a speaker.

I travel around,

I do in-person workshops.

I do classes.

I have an entire infrastructure of ways that I engage people.

So that's my passion.

I love to be with people.

And so one of the platforms that I learned about was

a platform called Periscope and Kim Garst,

who is an incredible internet,

social media strategist,

and excellent businessperson.

She had a program and I had signed up for a

few of her small programs and thought,

wow, this woman just delivers and delivers and delivers great value.

And then she offered a VIP program.

And in this program it was going to be a very

select few people.

And that is where you and I met.

And it was such a pleasure because you never know in

those small groups,

if you're going to meet a bunch of people that in

it for themselves,

or if you're actually going to have the beautiful fortune of

meeting people who are change makers and desiring to make a

difference for others.

And Kim even says to this day,

we were her very first VIP group.

And she said it was the most cohesive tight group.

You guys are friends.

You guys stay in touch with each other.

You guys support each other's business growth.

So I feel honored that I got to be part of

that first group and that I got to meet a person

so dynamic as you.

Oh, you're so sweet.

And the feeling is mutual.

We were really fortunate.

I don't know how everything collided as it did,

but we had a fabulous group there.

Yeah. I'm going to dive in because I don't want to

take any more time.

I want to get to all of your information and everything

that you can share.

And as our listeners know,

we like to start off and talk about a motivational candle.

This helps give us an inner look at you,

Monica, and just an indirect way of understanding what you're all

about. So if you were to envision a candle,

what color would it be?

And what would the quote be on that candle?

So my favorite color and it's the color I have a

master's in spiritual psychology.

And so the color of spirituality is the color purple.

So it would be a very deep,

warm purple color.

And then the quote.

So I'm a big fan of deep thinkers.

I'm a deep thinker,

I think of myself.

And so I'm very,

I'm a fan of that.

So I don't know if you've ever heard of Rumi has

a 13th century Sufi mystic,

but his quote is when you go through a hard period,

when everything seems to oppose you,

when you feel you cannot even bear one more minute,

never give up because it is the time and place that

the course will divert.

So I love that because it's all about you sometimes can

be confronted in life.

That's going to be happening as you stretch and grow and

desire new things.

But if you stay the course,

if you never give up,

if you try just one more step the opportunity for the

course to change its path and be there to serve you

is very,

I've never heard that.

And I really,

really like it because when you're so low,

you just think that it's over.

You can't do any more.

You can't go any further.

If you could pull on this type of quote and move

past it,

that may be where the bright light starts to shine.

That's right.

You don't want to just stop so wonderful.

I have not heard that before.

And I really like it.

One of the reasons I wanted to get you on Monica

is you know,

that a lot of our listeners,

cause we've talked about this already are looking at starting a

business or maybe they have started a business and they've gotten

to a place where they're now reality is setting in and

they're starting to see struggles.

And the question is,

am I really the one to be able to do this

anyway, you know,

all those doubts that we all have start coming in.

And one of the things you always talk about is be

your greatness for someone in that situation who doesn't know where

to start,

doesn't feel like they're great enough to be able to do

something. What would you say to those type of people?

What I say to people all the time,

and this is it's a tricky one because depending on where

you're at psychologically inside of yourself,

your relationship to yourself,

determines what your experience in life is.

So we often think life is happening to me,

but really life is a reflection of the experience and the

point of view and the thoughts and the judgments and the

perceptions that you have inside of yourself.

And so what I love to start with with people is

to have them consider that what if it was true beyond

the shadow of a doubt for them that they are the

only carbon copy of them on the planet.

That's a pretty easy thing for people to consider.

Like, yeah,

I've never seen another one of me and I've never heard

that there's an exact replica of me.

And as far as I know,

I've never been cloned.

So yeah,

I could,

I could come to terms with it.

I'm the only one of me on the planet.

And so if that's true,

then isn't it also possible that you're the only one of

you that has the gifts you have in the way that

you have them to be delivered only the way,

you know,

how, and so when people begin to consider that question,

all of a sudden what comes forward for them as well?

Yeah, I guess so I just never looked at myself or

looked at the things that I know or do as a

gift. So that's where a lot of the work begins is

really taking a moment.

You know,

we get confronted sometimes by the really big question,

what's your purpose on the planet,

but it's not about your purpose.

It's about how you naturally already serve.

And as you start to see,

what is the thing that most people compliment you for?

What is the thing that comes the easiest to you to

do that?

You probably value very little because you take for granted how

easy it is for you.

These are the kinds of things that are the very essence

of people's gifts on the planet.

And when they stop to realize,

Oh my gosh,

I never looked at it that way.

That is true.

Then they can start to cultivate.

How would I share that?

How would I use that?

How would I maximize on that?

How would I leverage that in my life and my business

and my communication.

And all of a sudden,

you start to see people's light bulb turned on like,

Oh, if I do what I love and I just do

it more.

And I use that,

knowing that I have as my foundation,

as my reassurance,

as my drive and incentive,

well, I won't be lost because it's inherent to me.

It's what I know myself to do.

It's what I know myself to be.

And in those moments,

people really have kind of like that aha eye opening experience

of, wow,

I just haven't had my focus or my perception on the

thing that will make a difference.

I've spent more time being self-critical That's very potent.

And I think because a lot of people are creators.

So you're talking a lot about just human natural traits that

you have natural abilities.

And to your point,

that people don't put a lot of weight into it because

it seems to come so easy.

So you think,

well, you know,

this is so easy for me.

It's easy for everybody else too.

It's not true.

I mean,

to listen to what Monica is saying here,

because whatever you have in think back,

those of you who have been listening on podcast for a

long time,

we often talk about people who are finding their talents and

what they really want to do.

And a lot of it goes back to a seed that

was placed in childhood.

Something that they really love from way back when they were

younger. So think for yourselves too,

within you,

what are things that people compliment you on personality wise that

combines with then your art,

your craft,

your business,

passion that you're pulling forward.

What would you say Monica,

about the combination of that?

Because you are talking about personality,

specific traits.

A lot of our listeners are creators,

so they're making jewelry and they're making candles.

How would you merge both of those together?

So the personality with the product,

Well, there's an essence to a person's creative expression.

So some people do art because it makes them feel calm.

Some people use their creativity to make other people happy.

So it's getting to the source of what is the spark

of your creative genius of your creative expression?

I'm a painter.

I was an art major at UCLA.

I was the first ever dual art major.

I changed the rules at UCLA because I was so adamant.

I wanted to be a reconstructive facial surgeon.

And so I wanted to do medical illustration so that you

could understand and study,

how do you use the dramatics and the artistry of the

human face while also understanding the science behind it and the

medical behind it.

And so that desire for me,

you know,

I was right there marrying my desire for impact and making

a difference for people and having them have a different quality

of life with my desire for aesthetics and my desire for

creativity. And if I hadn't had the drive underneath to make

the difference for people than my art may have just been

a hobby,

but it was because I was so enthusiastic.

I was so persistent.

I was so determined to make a difference for people.

And lo and behold,

I didn't actually become a doctor.

I'm now,

you know,

a business consultant and a life strategist.

So I use my skills still to make the difference,

but it was that essence,

what sources,

the desire to creatively express myself that made the difference in

everything that I've ever done.

It stretched me beyond what was comfortable.

It's had me learn and live and grow myself,

my confidence,

my courage,

my desire,

and willingness to trial and error.

And Bernay Brown.

I don't know if you know who that is,

but she has a beautiful Ted talk.

She's been interviewed on SuperSoul Sunday by Oprah.

She has a lot of really great programs and she has

three books out.

She's actually a professor and her primary study was sociology.

And what she says is if you really want to rise

strong in your life,

it's really important to fail,

to get up and to try again.

And she breaks it down to such a simple picture to

fail, to get up and to try again.

So when you're wanting to express yourself creatively,

if you aren't willing to fail,

even in your creative expression.

So, you know,

trying, if you're a jeweler at trying new stones or new

colors or new methodologies on to create the jewelry,

if you're a painter you're creating masterpieces.

If you don't try new ways to blend things or new

ways to combine things,

the possibility is you may actually even get bored with your

art yourself.

But when you understand where you're coming from and you are

willing to try new things,

that's where it gets for me,

super exciting.

And I become less rigid about the way that it has

to be so less of a perfectionist and I become way

more flexible to consider,

Oh my gosh,

what else could I add?

And how will it serve?

That's the excitement of the creativity,

right? But you have to be comfortable with,

you're going to do something.

Maybe you're finding a new material or you're venturing out is

you're saying just in a new way,

you have to be ready and comfortable that maybe it won't

work out,

but that doesn't mean your whole plan needs to be tabled

or that you are a failure.

Right. I want to go back just for a second.

So you actually were looking at going into a different career,

and then it sounds like you kind of took a turn

and did something else.

Talk to us a little bit about the evolution of your

career path and how you landed,

where you are today.

When we talk about all of the careers that I've had,

it's definitely a windy story,

a windy path,

because I've taken a lot of different turns.

And the story really starts when I was four years old,

my grandmother had cataracts and hearing AIDS and I wanted to

fix her ears and her eyes.

I wanted to invent a laser that would fix her ear

so she could hear and fix her eyes so she could

see, and then she would be healed and everything would be

fine. And for me,

that made a lot of sense.

Like that's how I can help my grandmother.

And I always was looking to help people.

How do I make their life better?

How do I make them happier?

How do I make everything that they need more available to

them? And I also had a really unique gift when I

was little and over the years,

I got really scared of showing it and closed it down

and had to reopen it again.

That gift was that I could hear people say thoughts without

them speaking,

but when you're four and you have a gift like that,

and you share with people what you heard,

you don't always realize that they didn't talk.

So I had a couple of scenarios where I shared with

someone, something that I heard and I asked them why they

felt that way about themselves and it flustered them and it

annoyed them.

And they got very upset and they spoke to my father.

I had done it with my dad and my father came

to me and finally said,

you can't do this anymore.

And at that moment,

a very deep,

important part of me,

my creative expression,

my desire to please my desire to help people,

all of a sudden became,

it's not safe to do that here.

So I say that as a precursor to the journey that

I then set up in front of myself.

So then I thought,

well, if what I was doing naturally,

what came to me naturally,

wasn't safe and wasn't okay.

And wasn't acceptable or appropriate.

According to my dad,

then who did I need to become for my dad and

others to love me.

So everything that I did was about that.

I became the fastest runner.

I became the best student.

Everything was about how can I get the accolade?

How can I please someone?

How can I get love through the things that I do?

But the desire underneath never went away.

I always wanted to help people.

So then I went into,

I interned in hospitals from the age of 12 until the

age of 18.

I took the MCAT and I did terrible on it.

And literally when you think that,

you know what you're going to be,

I thought I was going to be a reconstructive facial surgeon

and help burn victims and children that were born with birth

defects. So it was a very lofty goal from the age

of four to 14.

So for 14 years,

I talked about that.

I, in turn,

I did everything that was so unusual for a person that

young to know,

but when I didn't do well on the M cat being

the perfectionist that I was literally,

my life came to an end.

I felt like,

what purpose do I have anymore for being here?

So I packed myself up,

got on a plane with a one-year open-ended ticket to Europe

while I was in Europe,

traveling around and re establishing,

like, who am I?

And why do I matter?

And, and really what I was doing is losing myself because

I just didn't have a definition anymore.

And while I was over there,

I got a call that a guy named John Lasseter was

looking for an assistant.

And the question that I got in that call was,

do you know who this guy,

John Laster is?

I said,

no, I have no idea who it is.

And the next question was,

well, do you know what toy story is?

And I said,

well, I've heard of it,

but I think it's a cartoon or like an animation.

And they're like,

great. So a few weeks later I was on a plane

back to Northern California to be interviewed and to become John

Lasseter's assistant.

Now, if you don't know who John Laster is,

he is one of the founders of Pixar and he now

runs Disney animation and Imagineering.

And they likened him to our modern day,

Walt Disney.

So he is one of the most brilliant people ever.

And his most important piece of advice for me was the

story comes first,

whatever there is in life,

the story comes first,

people connect to the story.

So the rest of the job choices that I had in

my life really were defined by the stories that I wanted

to have in my life.

So needless to say,

I didn't go to medical school.

I actually went into video editing,

learning from the animation and working on feature films.

And what I did in my editing is I told people

stories. And one day I interviewed a man.

I worked for Northrop Grumman and TRW in space technology and

military defense.

And I interviewed a man who had given 50 years of

his life to bring the Paulo astronauts home and to develop

different ways to get people into space.

And in the interview,

it became so apparent to me that I was not on

my path.

I was off course.

And it was because I wasn't spending time developing people.

I was spending time telling other people's stories.

So it was time for me to start working with people

on their stories rather than being behind the scenes,

telling their stories.

So I left my corporate job and I started training and

learning to be a coach.

So I ended up getting a master's in spiritual psychology.

And I decided with the masters that it was time for

me to start really honing in on the gifts that I

had so long ago,

buried and put away after being told by my father that

they were inappropriate.

But before I got that masters,

there's one other part of the story.

And this is kind of why the story is a long

one. I got hit by a truck in a crosswalk as

a pedestrian,

the truck was going 35 miles an hour.

It hit me.

I never saw it.

It threw me 25 feet near.

I landed,

but when I got hit,

it kicked me out of my body.

I call it my near-death experience.

And I watched the entire event from above.

It was then for the next four months.

So no broken bones,

but internally my entire system,

circulatory, digestion nurses,

all of it went to cahoots.

So I was in bed for four months.

And during that time,

you could imagine how frustrating it is when you are an

ambitious go getter type person with big dreams and big aspirations

to be stuck in bed.

And all of a sudden I had what I call my

God moment up until that point.

I didn't really believe in God.

I'm really a spiritual person,

not a religious person.

So I didn't believe in like,

God is the guy up the stairs.

What I believed in was there's this universal connection,

but all of a sudden I had this relationship.

I had a voice that was coming to me.

And when I was hit,

I was asked to question.

The question that I was asked is what do you want?

And it was an interesting time in my life because I

was transitioning from the animation into wanting to do something more

with my life.

So what did I want?

I didn't want to be here anymore.

I didn't want to waste my talents anymore.

I didn't want to do things frivolously anymore.

And so the one thing that I knew that I hadn't

fulfilled in my life yet was being a mom.

I want to be a mom.

And the voice asked again,

seven more times,

are you sure?

Yes. I'm sure.

Are you sure?

Yes. I'm sure.

Are you sure?

And finally,

I got very annoyed and I'm like,

of course I'm sure like,

and not kidding me.

Like I was having this dialogue here.

And so all of a sudden I find myself back into

my body,

come back to life and then the four months in my

bed starts.

Okay. Wow.

So after that time,

I then started doing my coaching.

Like I got on my path,

I got my masters.

I'm going,

going, going.

I'm meeting people.

I'm having clients.

I'm helping people build their business.

And one day I realize that the request that I had,

and since then I had,

I had three kids and one day I was really questioning

myself and really looking deep within.

And what I uncovered was,

well, my purpose is to serve people.

But how I do that is to act like a mother

for some people.

So my entire career path was defined by a longing to

make a difference and going way back to your very first

question today,

like, how can your audience really know no matter what comes

in front of them,

no matter how hard it gets,

no matter what they're confronted by,

how can they really know if they're on track or that

it's worth whatever the blood,

sweat, and tears.

And when you know,

and you reflect on and you ask yourself,

what is it for?

Like at the end of all of this,

if I did X,

would that make it worth it?

And they really get clear about what it is.

That's the driver behind everything they've ever done,

why they've wanted to do the things they've done,

why they've wanted to please people,

why they wanted to go out on their own and start

something new.

If they can really get to that core,

it will begin like a domino effect to reveal all the

ways in their life that they've always done that.

And it will so validate what their efforts are and why

they should never give up Monica.

That is a huge story.

And so impactful in so many ways.

I've been sitting here writing notes.

I have 7,000

questions for you,

but, but before I just want to underline what you said,

quote, unquote,

if I did this in the end,

would it have been worth it?

Remember that you guys give business owners.

I mean,

I'm going to be now thinking about that this afternoon.

And as I edit this,

because that is a really powerful sentence that I want everyone

to reflect on that Monica,

I have to just ask you,

how did your dad feel about all this?

He was the driver in the beginning for you to pursue

and go in a different path.

And I would say back then the world was very rigid

in terms of these are the things that you do.

And these are the things that you don't do.

So clearly he was looking out for your best interests at

the time,

but you went through this whole journey that you've been talking

about. And so how had he felt then about what you're

doing? Cause you're going back to what you truly knew inside

yourself in your heart of hearts was the right thing.

How has that all panned out with your relationship?

A great question.

So, so my dad had a perspective and you're very accurate.

Like back in the day,

it's pretty rigid.

And coming from Germany,

every job you ever do,

you have to go to school for.

So from the janitor to the gas attendant,

to the architect,

to the pilot,

you have to get a degree in whatever you choose to

do. So once you choose,

you're kind of on that path,

you're kind of stuck.

And in America you don't have that limitation.

You can choose whatever you want and you can change your

mind a mile a minute.

So for him,

there were four things you could do to be successful.

You could be a doctor.

Oh good.

I'm so glad that I was wanting to do that.

You could be a lawyer.

I was a very good negotiator.

You could be a,

or you could be an MBA that rigid thought process.

I like my whole life.

It was always like those were my four choices.

And so to have gone in a new direction,

that was really when I journeyed to Europe with a backpack

by myself,

it was really to define that I was no longer defined

by my father's view of the world.

And I had to leave myself and the way I saw

the world and I had to be out in the wild

blue yonder,

living an Epic adventure to discover my own voice and that

it was safe for me to have my own desires,

my own dreams,

my own goals,

and that at the end of the day,

it was up to me to pursue it.

And it was up to me to decide whether it was

in alignment with who I really am.

So as your audience and your listener may be diving into

something brand new and may have a lot of naysayers around

them in their life.

One of the things I would encourage them to do is

to ask themselves who are my champions,

who are the people that I have in my life.

That no matter what I choose are going to cheer for

me are going to love me through it are going to

encourage me,

are going to even help me find resources to help me

clarify what I'm doing.

And if you find that you really don't have many of

those, then to me,

that's the first thing you got to go do.

You got to start meeting and putting yourself in an environment.

So it would be like signing up for a podcast that

allows you to listen to people that are positive and encouraging

in fields that are like the kinds of areas you want

to make a difference.

It would be making new friends.

It would be going to your local chamber of commerce or

lectures or listening to Ted talks,

find your community because the moment you do,

you won't feel alone.

You won't feel lost.

And you'll have all these people who are either behind you

in the path that you're on or ahead of you and

those people that are behind you,

you can champion.

So that'll boost your confidence.

And those that are ahead of you will be your leverage

points. They'll be your guides.

There'll be your mentors.

They'll be your greatest assets.

So that's a really important part of this because if I

had listened to my father and only lived from his disappointment,

I probably would still be pursuing my medical experience.

And I don't know how happy I would be,

but because something inside of me said,

you're here for something really big stop ignoring that.

And I just had to get really honest with myself and

listen. And by the way,

be knocked down a whole bunch of times,

like I said,

the Bernay Brown,

like fail,

get up,

try again.

I had to be willing to do that and not judge

that every time I failed that that was the final failure.

Like now I'm going to die.

I really had to say,

it's just one more failure that allows me the access to

the lesson.

That's going to make the difference next.

Give biz listeners,

are you living your true,

authentic life?

Is there something that underneath has been a desire of yours

for your whole life?

And it's crazy for me to listen to this Monaca that

you went so many years just having to squash what you

were really feeling for nobody's fault.

I mean,

everyone's doing the right thing,

right? What they think they need to be doing,

right? But GIF is listeners.

Is this something similar for you?

Listen to what Monaco's talking about.

Be true to yourself in terms of at the end was

everything worth it.

And if you see something that you're wanting to do differently,

go find that community.

And hopefully the podcast here is helping you along the way.

If we're not the full community,

maybe we're part of your community because we're behind you and

motivating you to push forward in whatever that dream is.

Let's talk a little bit about this storytelling for a second.

You know,

you're talking about how you were storytelling in one way that

really wasn't fulfilling what you needed.

And then you started storytelling with getting people's true stories out

there. I know there's a value in storytelling and,

and it's talked about a lot these days,

you know,

with social media and blogs and all of that.

Everyone resonates with stories.

What have you found in terms of storytelling with what you're

doing right now?

What's the big value Because I'm a business consultant and a

life strategist.

And the reason that I added into my title life strategist

is because there's no business without you in it.

So if you're in it,

your life is involved in it.

Your past your judgments,

your perceptions of the world,

your criticisms,

or voices or thoughts inside of your own head,

your capabilities,

your skills,

the people,

you know,

the difference you want to make.

All of that makes up what ends up becoming the expression

of your business.

So whether you sell a product or whether you create something,

you are part of that creation.

And so if you're having a good day,

maybe you create things that are bright colors.

And if you're having a bad day,

maybe it's a little darker,

but the ominousness is more attractive to certain people that are

wanting to buy from your wanting to engage with you.

So for me,

storytelling becomes a way for people to see themselves through the

experience. If you don't tell a story and you just say

to someone,

well, you know,

you should really think about doing this.

Or when I hear you say that you're excited about starting

a business,

have you thought about,

you're going to have to get your website and you're going

to have to get all of the social media and you're

gonna have the whole long list of things.

But if you tell a story,

you know,

I know a little bit about starting a business from scratch.

I remember back when I started and there were so many

questions that I had,

and the fortunate thing is that I had a few people

in my life at the time that were also starting businesses,

but they were a little bit ahead of me.

So I sat them down and I took about 30 minutes

with each one of them.

And the minute I start sharing with you,

the mind begins to go and create and uncover and consider.

Have you ever felt like when someone is giving you advice,

like, thank you very much.

That sounds really good for you,

but I don't know how much that applies to me.

Yeah, for sure.

And so that's part of the experience that I think people

forget is they so are excited about what they have the,

that they're trying to tell people the value of what they

bring, as opposed to bringing people along the journey with them.

Because the moment a person feels like they're part of something,

their desire to buy their desire,

to be part of it,

their desire to have access to it totally gross.

But when they feel like you're selling them or they feel

like you're telling them what to do,

it's a lot harder to see themselves in it without anybody's

opinion about it.

The other thing that I think it gives people access to

is there are people that are perfectionists out in the world.

And I have been labeled as sometimes in my life being

a perfectionist and have also called myself that at times.

But I never agree with a label as the only thing.

There's not just a way that I am.

I am not only a perfectionist,

I'm so many other things involved in that.

And so there are certain times in my life where certain

character traits are really important and necessary.

But when we get feedback from people,

sometimes that can build little,

our desire to recognize that there is a gift inside of

however we need to engage.

So if I need to engage perfectionism so that I can

get something really accurate,

or if I'm being a little bit more precise about how

I'm designing one of my posts,

and I want things to line up,

there's an intention behind lost because it's perfect or desire is

to have it measured and equal and looking a certain way.

It has a time and a place and a value in

it. And I think that if people really get that,

who you are,

what you have to offer and how you offer it is

a part of the journey that you're on and to be

open and flexible to course correct.

As you go,

knowing that sometimes what you are trying to do,

you're going to accomplish and knock out of the park and

it'll be a home run.

And sometimes you're going to have so many at bats,

but if you consider that you keep getting the opportunity to

have the at-bat,

you're going to get better.

But if you put the bat down and never go at

bat again,

there's no chance of any getting better.

You are.

So right.

One more thing on this before we move on,

I can just hear people's wheels turning and saying,

yeah, but I mean,

this is really something that I want to do.

Yeah. But,

and I can go find a community for myself because I'm

in member forums or Facebook groups that are like this,

but my immediate physical group around me,

my family,

my husband,

all that,

they have all the excuses in the world for that.

Yeah. But I can't do that.

Now, what would you say to them?

So the first thing that I'd say is that they have

an external perspective that they live a life outside in versus

inside out.

And you know,

the key to changing anything is to recognize the pattern that

you're in.

So if you are able to get really honest with yourself

and notice if I'm having a certain excuse,

how often is that excuse coming up and what is it

stopping me from?

Because we tend to have excuses that we are actually serving

us. That's why we have them.

But if we take a deeper look and say,

you know what,

let me get real with myself.

Let me pause for just a moment.

And let me consider,

I've heard myself in the last week,

tell four different people.

Why I can't start something right now.

And the first question I asked myself is,

is that really true?

Or is there something I'm scared of?

That's having me say that so that I can't be held

accountable to what I'm really up to.

And if people take that time.

So, so number one soon to answer that question is to

breathe and listen to yourself.

If you can become your best observer,

like your own journalist,

like someone that followed you around with a camera all day

long and captured all those little moments that you pretend don't

happen. If you could really get honest with yourself,

then you could have access to new choices because it's not

wrong. When you make the excuse,

you think it's protecting something.

So it serves you in that moment,

but is it serving your long-term goal?

Is it serving your dream?

Are you succumbing to someone else's feedback?

Sometimes there are things that we do in the privacy of

our own experience.

We can't tell people yet until we reach a certain level

of success,

but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't still take strides towards

it, that you shouldn't still brainstorm that you shouldn't still find

the people around you who will cheer for you and share

with you how they broke through things.

Because what you believe you should be doing,

you should,

if you have the thought,

if you have the belief,

it didn't just come to you for nothing.

It came to you to be of service.

And so it's up to you to serve it.

You're the only one that received that message in that way.

So you're the only one right now that can serve it.

So I implore people to constantly pay it forward.

You are given these gifts of your greatness,

the moment you can see them and value them.

It's a no brainer.

The only next step is to pay them forward.

That makes so much sense when you say it that way.

And in the end,

we're the ones living our lives and you are the one

in control.

And you're the one who makes all the moves and yes,

the failures,

but also all those successes on the way to whatever the

vision is or whatever that passion is or whatever that greatness

Monaca. You're saying that we all really innately know within ourself.

Yes. And I'll say one other little amendment,

because I actually,

right now in one of my programs that I'm offering,

I do a course for moms.

It's called mom Academy and there are these beautiful,

amazing mompreneurs.

And it's amazing.

Cause I thought that I might get some moms that are

not working moms.

Then they're,

you know,

just raising their children and wanting to be better moms.

But every one of the women that's in my program right

now are all,

they all are building their own businesses or they work for

a corporation.

And several of them have said to me,

I don't feel like I'm in control of my life.

I feel like I'm dictated by my job.

I feel like I'm dictated by my husband.

I feel like I'm dictated by my kids.

I feel like life happens to me.

And so one of the things that I say to them

is find what you feel nurtured by in the secrets of

your own space.

No one has to know,

but find the things that nurture you publicly or privately.

If you have the fortune of being in a supportive environment,

excellent than do it publicly so that you teach people around

you. But if you can't because you feel like someone is

out to thwart you or someone is out to tell you

no then in the privacy of your own moments.

So that could be writing into a journal that could be

praying. That could be right before you go to bed,

setting a bedtime intention,

just really centering yourself inside of yourself.

So that one of the voices in your head is you

reassuring your dreams because it only takes one to actually keep

pursuing them.

But if we listen to everything outside of ourselves and we

buy into it,

the volume gets turned lower and lower and lower.

And over time people end up believing that they really don't

have dominion and don't have control in their life.

You are so right.

Gift is listeners.

I want all of you to go back and listen to

this over and over again,

very wise words.

I mean,

my mind is going right now,

just within myself.

Just things that I need to kind of just pull aside,

give myself some private time and just think about based on

the way you're wording things and what you're saying in the

messages that are coming through.

Thank you so,

so much for that.

They're welcome.

I love it.

I want to move now into our reflection section.

And this is where we look at you as if you

haven't shared a lot already,

right? But what other things have helped you to get to

the place that you are now?

You've talked already about your natural traits being,

wanting to share and pay it forward for other people and

help other people find their true meaning.

And you've talked a little bit about being a perfectionist.

If you had to just pick one trait,

what is the single trait that has helped you to get

to where you are right now?

Love, love by far by far by far,

there was a morning.

It was four o'clock in the morning.

And I was doing the transition from being the video editor,

producer and director with my own production company,

into wanting to be a coach and a business consultant.

And I wasn't getting clients at the speed that I wanted

my business wasn't growing the way that I thought it should.

And I was very distraught.

And I guess for like a week or two,

I kind of had entered into a little depression and a

little bit of a funk.

And one morning at 4:00 AM,

I woke up jolted up out of bed and just started

crying hysterically.

And you know,

a lot of times in life,

when I would have tough times,

I would cry silently to myself so that I wouldn't wake

up my husband,

but this time it was so big and so profound.

And so heart-wrenching for me that it woke my husband up

and he turned to me and he said,

is everything okay?

Are you hurt?

Are you okay?

And I said,

I just don't feel like the love I have inside of

me, people are receiving no one wants the love.

I, and he said to me,

well, would you be open to hearing what I see?

And it was like,

all I had inside of me was what I couldn't see

and what I wasn't and what people didn't want for me.

So in that moment,

I had nothing else to reflect on.

I felt like a failure and I felt there was nothing

for me to offer.

So I said,

yes, of course,

because I needed something to grasp onto.

And he said,

the word I would call you,

Monica is walking love that you have so much love to

give and you are so loving gets she just to end

the natives.

It's just who you are on this planet.

And that all there is for you to do is do

that every day,

all day.

And what will happen over time is people will feel the

love and miracles will happen.

I'm sure of it.

And you know,

he held me and he kissed me and he reassured me

and I calmed down and I kind of allowed what he

said to just marinate.

Cause I didn't have an answer like,

okay, how would I do that?

Yeah, I was just frozen is really what I was.

So I went to sleep that night tossing and turning and

just, I mean that morning and like kind of that daydream

type sleep and all of a sudden the wheels started turning

and I could feel myself receiving,

I call it a D a download,

like I was receiving from the universe.

Like he just gave you a gift.

Here's how you can use it.

And the very next day I started and this is,

this is so funny.

I, I started a hundred ways to love yourself and it

was called the love yourself campaign.

And I did not have,

you know,

I didn't have the beautiful,

Dynalite the I-phones didn't film you at this time.

And I didn't have all the tools and all the ways

and the iPad and all the ways to fill.

So what I did is I took an old fashioned camera

and I took two plants from my living room and put

them in front of my bathroom door,

trying to hide the handle because that was the best lighting.

I didn't even have a microphone.

So I just recorded it with my laptop.

And I began the 100 days,

100 ways to love yourself.

And that really was the beginning of a profound journey of

making a difference for people.

Wow. And where is all of that now?

Is that available for any of us or It's hysterical?

I mean,

I've kept it in U2 simply because I always want to

have the reminder of where I started,

because like I said,

I was a perfectionist,

so in my desire to be perfect,

I tried so hard to make it look like a set

and it just so doesn't,

But I bet it's so impactful.

Anyway, will you share that link with me for the show

notes for the episode?

Okay. Wonderful.

All right.

We're going to move on.

What tool do you use in your life that helps you

to create balance or to keep you going with your coaching

and all your courses and all of that?

What, what is something that you would recommend that our listeners

could also use Between you and me?

Sue? There's a ton like a million,

a million tools.

Maybe I'll let you go.

How about that?

Okay. Okay.

Again, so,

yeah, that's great.

So the first one,

one that I'll say,

and this is something that I actually learned in my master's

program is called setting a bedtime intention.

So we go through life,

our busy,

busy, busy lives with so much information,

so much feedback,

every billboard,

every advertisement,

everything that is fueling our brains and our eyes and hitting

us and our brain kind of gets overloaded.

And so what we do naturally by a process of elimination

in our neurology is that we create depletions.

We categorize and compile things in different.

Like if you were to imagine that your brain was an

operating system and you had file storage cabinets inside of it,

you'd take a whole bunch of information and you'd put it

all into one folder.

And you'd say that one can go on the side for

deletion. This is a folder that can be used for later.

This is a folder that I need now.

And so we process things in bits so that we can

actually use them.

But throughout the day we don't download and delete enough to

be able to be clear.

So often then what happens is people go to sleep at

night and they have crazy dreams and they try to process

a whole bunch of things or they toss and turn with

insomnia because they've never really let their brain go.

And given it a directive for how to be used when

the conscious mind is off and the unconscious mind is awake.

So a bedtime intention is simply setting an intention before bed,

but specifically the way that I do it is I ask

for certain things to be released that I no longer need.

So kind of like deleting whatever I don't need when I'm

asleep. And I asked that,

well, my conscious mind is asleep and my unconscious mind is

awake. That anything that I need to work out that will

be easier for me to work out in my unconscious so

that when I awakened refreshed,

rejuvenated, restored,

I don't have to do the process anymore.

I don't have to figure anything out.

It'll just be there available for me to have the aha

moment, the idea,

the concept,

the confidence,

the courage,

whatever I am seeking.

And so I get very specific about how I ask what

I asked.

So I asked to release whatever doesn't serve me.

I asked to receive whatever will serve me and to clarify

things in such a way that I can easily interpret what

the message is upon awakening.

And I'll tell you something I've been doing this for nine

years, disciplined like every night for nine years.

It's the very last thing I do before I go to

sleep, no matter what time it is or what I've done.

When I lay down and I close my eyes,

I set a bedtime intention and what has it produced?

It helps me manifest.

It helps me wake up clear.

It helps whatever assists me while I'm sleeping and dreaming to

let go.

It helps coal that forward,

that energy or that spirituality or whatever it is that's assisting

me. And it helps allow flow and balance exactly what you

asked me in my life.

So that's a very profound and powerful one for me.

The second one is breath.

And you know,

many people who do yoga or maybe do meditation.

They are very familiar with the concept of put,

bring your awareness into your breath.

Just the other day.

Someone said it in a new way that I've heard before,

but I hadn't considered exactly what they meant.

And it is when you close your eyes,

if you can close your eyes,

when you're going to breathe,

when you close your eyes,

watch from your internal vision,

what happens with your breath?

Watch it flow,

watch it move.

Does it have a certain sensation to it?

What does it look like?

And in those moments,

when I feel sad or angry or frustrated or too fast,

or like on the verge of yelling or something,

if I can really bring myself to breathe and watch my

breath, one second,

three seconds,

10 seconds.

That's it a count of 10.

All of a sudden that pause in my neurology and in

the processing of my brain gives me access to a completely

new experience.

Wow. I think I'm going to do that too.

I think I'm taking both of these.

I can't wait to go to sleep tonight in terms of

the breath.

I think specially for listeners here who are starting businesses or

get frustrated,

you know,

so many times in the day,

I think we could call upon that and use it for

sure. So the both of those are excellent.

Wonderful. What about a book or something that you listened to

or something that you think could be really helpful to our

listeners along that end?

A lot of this conversation today has been your perception of

the world around you.

So are you a person that looks at the world through

your experience and then gauges it and shares outwardly?

Or are you a person that takes your cues and is

impacted externally first and then processes it internally?

And my invitation and encouragement for you is to really start

to move in the direction of having your own opinions,

trusting yourself,

clearing your own voice,

understanding who you are,

and then sharing you with the world.

And then the world may actually occur differently to you.

And you'll hear feedback.

You'll hear advice.

You'll hear perspectives really differently because you'll hear them from your

position and from your authentic self and your wisdom rather than

maybe they're the ones that are right.

So that is the concept.

And the book that I feel like best does that.

And this is a book I have my two,

I have three kids,

my 12 year old and my 10 year old and I

have a three-year-old,

but my 10 and 12 year old,

they listened to this book almost every night as they go

to sleep.

And this is a book that I give all of my

clients when we first start working together.

And it's called the untethered soul by Michael singer.

And the book is all about the voices inside of our

head, that we so often identify with the voice inside our

head as though it's someone else telling us what to do

and what to think and how to be and how not

to be.

And it's up to us to begin discerning what are the

voices inside of us that are in our championing us and

supporting us and what are the voices that are counterproductive and

what can I do to serve myself best in those moments

when I'm most out myself,

boy, Main gift is listeners.

I can not wait to listen to this book.

And I'm sure a lot of you,

the same thing,

because really what you're saying is you're,

you're laying the groundwork of a whole new way for our,

all of us to look at our lives in a totally

different direction in all of these different instances that you've given

to us,

what you've just talked about in getting real with ourselves,

all of it.

So very interested.

I'm very much looking forward to listening to that.

Thank you.

And now I would like to invite you to dare to

dream. I'd like to present you with a virtual gift.

It's a magical box containing unlimited possibilities for your future.

This is your dream or your goal of almost unreachable Heights

that you would wish to obtain.

Please accept this gift and open it in our presence.

What is inside your box?

So inside of my boxes,

a key and the key is probably about two fingers in

length. At the top of it is a heart shape and

the key unlocks,

whatever I want to unlock at any time for any reason.

And I like to use the analogy like in my life.

I believe that I've had way more traumas in my life

than most people have in a lifetime.

And I could either reflect on those traumas and reflect on

those experiences as these terrible things that happened to me and,

Oh my gosh,

my life,

this and this and that.

And I could get really saddened or depressed or confronted by

them, but what I've chosen to do with learning and with

expansion and with great mentors,

I've learned to see every opportunity.

This key would give me access to doors that I'd like

to open to people that I'd like to meet,

to opportunities that I'd like to have to lessons I'd like

to learn for one primary purpose.

And that is to serve,

to serve God,

to serve man,

to serve my gift.

And then by serving,

I am very well aware.

We cannot serve and not be served back.

So that reciprocation is the natural inherent way of the universe.

And so in serving,

if that key would give me access to serving even greater

ISO two will be served,

Wow, I'm almost speechless.

Monica. If our listeners want to learn more about,

you know,

more about what you're doing with moms,

cause I know a lot of them are moms and struggling

with all of that balance too.

Just want to hear more from you about all of these

messages that you provide,

how can they reach you?

So the best place to go is my website,

which is Monica spelled with a K M O N I

K a N Zan Z a N D S,

which is my last name.com.

That's super easy.

They can also find me on Facebook,

on Instagram,

on Pinterest and Facebook live and Periscope,

which is where you and I met Sue.

So they can really find me pretty much anywhere.

And most of my handles are my tags is my name

Moni cousins.

And what they can look forward to is I do a

lot of videos and giveaways because as I mentioned,

my primary purpose is to give,

to give,

to give as though I was a mom on the planet

and to honor and cherish and love and pour love into

the planet.

So my website is the best place.

And then there's two places where in particular,

I have two programs,

altitude and mom Academy altitude is my business building program where

you really get to dive deep into your business business practices,

your default behaviors and things that stop you,

limiting beliefs and structurally,

like what is your billboard?

What is,

what are things that will really have you clarify so that

you can reach success and you can execute actionable items and

know what should I be executing on?

And then my mom Academy course is a program where we

work on the concept of a tribe and a village that

moms in the world need each other.

We are the glue of our families.

We are the glue on the planet.

We are intuitive beings.

We are gifts ourselves.

And so to recognize how to come together and foster each

other and champion each other and interact and do great business

together, that is the goal of mom Academy.

So it helps with the question of guilt,

the question of overwhelmed,

the question of contribution and collaboration and how to build a

powerful TRIBE,

Perfect, and gift biz listeners.

You know,

I'll have links to all of this over on the show

notes page.

So if you weren't able to capture that while you're listening,

all of that is there and available for you,

Monica. So,

so many points for us to reflect on and think about

you've really.

I think if I were to try and sum it up,

your real,

your whole message has been,

you need to connect with your true self and bring that

out to the world.

You've shared with us.

So many things about how you've connected internally,

all of these very personal journeys that you've been on throughout

your life.

I so appreciate your sharing with us and may your candle

always burn bright.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's been such a pleasure and I acknowledge you for how

much love and how lucky your listeners are for having someone

standing to serve in this way.

So thank you.

Learn how to work smarter while developing and growing your business.

Download our guide called 25 free tools to enhance your business

and life.

It's our gift to you and available@giftbizonrap.com

slash tools.

Thanks for listening and be sure to join us for the

next episode.

Today's show is sponsored by the ribbon print company,

looking for a new income source for your gifts.

Business customization is more popular now than ever brand your products

with your logo or print,

a happy birthday,

Jessica ribbon to add to a gift,

right at checkout,

it's all done right in your shop or cross studio in

seconds. Check out the ribbon print company.com

for more information after you listened to the show,

if you like what you're hearing,

make sure to jump over and subscribe to the show on

iTunes. That way you'll automatically get the newest episodes when they

go by.

And thank you to those who have already left a rating

by subscribing rating and review help to increase the visibility on

rap. It's a great way to pay it forward,

to help others with their entrepreneurial journey as well.

Would you like to be on the show or do you

know someone who can provide valuable insight from their experiences?

If so,

we'd love to hear from you.

All you need to do is submit a form for consideration.

You can access the form@giftbizonwrapped.com