176 – How to Work a Room® with Susan RoAne

Gift biz unwrapped episode 176 let me say it in the

most helpful way.

Stop it.

Attention gifters,

bakers, crafters,

and makers pursuing your dream can be fun.

Whether you have an established business or looking to start one

now you are in the right place.

This is give to biz unwrapped,

helping you turn your skill into a flourishing business.

Join us for an episode packed full of invaluable guidance,

resources, and the support you need to grow your gift biz.

Here is your host gift biz gal,

Sue moon Heights.

Hi there,

it's too,

and you Thank you for spending a little bit of your

time with me today.

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You know,

pursuing your business should be fun,

exciting, rewarding,

energizing, but as you start getting into the thick of things,

it can become really stressful and downright scary when you joined

the breeze.

It's like sitting in the park with friends who bring you

all the support and the answers that you need and that

you've been looking for.

The group that's come together in the breeze is an amazing

collection of creators and you get to know each of them

and mingle with them and talk with them and we all

share together the growth of our business.

One of my favorite things that we do there is one

day a week everyone can post what they're working on.

It could be a new product they're creating.

It could be a seasonal product that really is flying off

the shelves.

I can't tell you how beautiful and creative and original and

unique so many of these products are.

It is so fun to see and it gives all of

us other ideas not to copy,

but for inspiration of what we can do and apply to

our own businesses.

To join the breeze,

just go over to gift biz breeze.com

and now it's time to get onto the show.

Oh, gift biz listeners,

you are in for such a treat today.

It is my pleasure to introduce you to Susan Rowan.

Susan is the author of the bestseller,

how to work a room.

I'm quite sure many of you have already read it.

The book has sold over 1.2

million copies in 14 countries.

She has also authored the secrets of savvy networking,

which is also a best seller.

Susan is an in demand international keynote speaker who has shared

her message of connection and communication with audiences worldwide.

She was quoted by sir Richard Branson as number six in

his 10 quotes to make things happen.

Her clients include Coca-Cola,

the U S air force and Apple computer to name a

few, but her personal favorite is Hershey chocolate.

Mine too.

Please join me in welcoming my guest keynote speaker,

bestselling author and the mingling Maven,

Susan Rowan.

Susan, welcome to the gift biz unrepped podcast.

Oh well thank you for having me.

I'm looking forward to this.

I am so excited and we're just going to kick it

off by telling everybody how we got connected.

It's so crazy.

And I usually say let's do the candle first,

but let's just do that story first.

Do you want to take it away or should I,

you do the start of it cause you have the beginning.

Okay. Let me just preface this by saying the world is

our oyster and yet never know my biggest marketing for any

business, any craft,

anything you're doing is keep your antenna up because you never

know. Take it away,

Sue. Yeah,

you just never know.

So give biz listeners,

you might have even seen my Instagram story of,

Oh I think it's been a month ago now.

We had a local fine art craft fair right in our

community. And I said,

it's a perfect time to do demonstrations of good booth,

set up,

booth interaction,

et cetera.

So it's a Sunday and I'm here for business,

right? I'm not just personal looking at crafts,

although it was super fun and I'm just walking through the

booths and I meet up with one of my friends,

Cheryl, and she was making reference to the fact that my

book just came out.

And so we were talking,

one thing led to another and she said,

well, you know who my college roommate was?

And I'm like,

well, like that's random.

No, I supposed to know Cheryl,

who your college roommate was.

And lo and behold,

it's Susan,

the author of how to work a room.

And I looked at Cheryl with bug eyes and I'm like,

no way,

no way.

And she's like,

sure. And I bet she'd even beyond your podcast and Susan,

look what's happening right now.

Here you are.

And it was great.

Cheryl sent me an email,

said, Oh,

one of my friends has a podcast and I couldn't speak

for you.

And here's what Cheryl did that was really interesting and this

is the who have savvy.

She came to me first and said,

would you like to be on the podcast?

She didn't make an assumption.

Right? She did not make an assumption.

She did.

What Seth Goden talks about is get permission to give my

contact information.

First of all,

she didn't have to go,

are you kidding?

Of course I do.

But the reality is so often people talk about referrals and

this and that and the other and they forget to say,

does this work for you?

Is it okay?

And she did that.

It's not even all about being smart and savvy and business.

She's thoughtful.

It's respectful to,

exactly. Yeah.

If you're going to connect two people together,

you want to know that they want to be connected.

Exactly. And then the rest is history.

So the lesson is let everyone who you know,

even your college roommate know what you're doing,

what you're interested in.

Let people know even in a non pushy way.

Hey, if you hear of anything you think I'd be interested

in, let me know.

Keep your antenna up and not just for ourselves,

because you might bump into someone who says,

you know,

I'm looking for someone who can custom make me a batch

of cookies,

can custom make me something that I want for my clients.

And that might not be your specialty,

but you have a friend and someone you might have even

met through this podcast and say,

you know what?

I think I am the person for you.

So I think having our antenna up but not just for

ourselves is what really makes people feel not only that we're

good networkers,

that they want to know us.

Exactly and that we have other people in mind.

We're not just there for our own personal gain.

Absolutely. It's too self grandizing to always be about ourself.

And if you never recommend other people,

why on earth should anyone recommend you?

Oh, that is good name from a conversation I had last

night with a fellow speakers as well.

I don't like to recommend people.

What if they do a bad job?

I said,

if you're going to recommend someone to a speech,

they're going to bust their tushes to make sure they do

a good job.

Absolutely. But he can't talk about getting referrals.

He won't give them.

Well, you know what?

That doesn't speak well of you.

You missed the boat.

That's right.

There's a lot about mindset there,

which I know we're going to get into,

but I'm going to take this from the top again and

Susan, it's a little bit different for you maybe,

but I like to start off our shows by having you

describe yourself as a motivational candle because it gives our audience

a little bit of a different way to understand what you're

about. So if you were to give me a color and

a quote,

and maybe you're going to use this new one,

I don't know,

but on a candle that really speaks you,

what would your motivational candle look like?

Well, my motivational candle would be dripless because when I read

the notes,

I go,

yeah, it's gotta be dripless.

Do you know what it's like to get wax off your

coffee table?

It's awful.

So it would be dripless and I think that's a great

plan where it's,

I don't want to be considered a drip.

There you go.

So number one in the scent,

to me it would have to have a scent.

It can't just eliminate and glow to me there has to

be a fragrance so that it's multi-sensory.

And the fragrance would be something in the orange blossom to

pumpkin to vanilla.

Oh Bert lavender.

I can't stand lavender.

And what the glow would be in it.

It would start like a little yellow and then it would

go kind of a hot pink,

orange and red.

Oh, I can see it.

Yes. When I started speaking,

and I still often do this,

I said to my speech coach,

I'm four 11 and some of my audiences,

there are 500 to 600 people in a room.

They can't see me even on stage.

I think I need to wear red.

And I want to be known as the woman in red,

which by the way was a movie with gene Wilder,

Richard Pryor.

And she said,

cause she worked mostly in banking.

She said to me,

you know,

Susan red can be an incendiary color and it could actually

turn your audiences off if it's too bright.

And I'm going to say this to our audience today.

I listened to her for about a week and then it

was like I heard my grandmother's voice on my left shoulder

and I finally said to my speech coach,

they are hiring me to learn how to be like me,

not me.

To be like them.

Oh yeah.

And I'm four 11 back in the day,

nobody wore red.

And I needed people to see me,

literally physically see me so that I didn't disappear and I

became the woman in red.

I wore red suits for every speech and I often still

do. But now that I'm at a certain point of my

life, and especially if I'm in a weather belt that's way

too hot for my redness suits,

I do different colors,

but that red,

so turning to red was really important,

but I love orange.

Orange is my favorite color,

so it has to be yellow,

orange, shocking pink,

red, which by the way,

if you have a cataract like mine,

you can't tell the difference in any of those colors.

They all say,

well, they're all hot colors and that's really very reflective.

Am I motivational saying?

Well, it's really so many of the things that I heard

growing up,

but that one that I said,

you never know.

You can't assume anything about anyone.

That's why we believe in serendipity and meant to be.

And coincidence land.

Yep. You never know.

You never know.

But I'll tell you one thing we do know is if

we stay in our house and don't move and don't get

out and don't do anything,

you know that nothing's going to happen.

Oh, I'm so glad you said that.

So let me give you my mother's version and I can

still see her sitting at the kitchen table and chase Avenue

in Chicago saying to me,

you never meet anyone sitting at home.

That is the truth.

Now, the truth is because of the internet,

we can meet a lot of people,

but they're not who they said they are.

Oh, that's true.

And the encouragement behind how to work room and everything I've

done is go out among people.

There is so much you can learn face to face that

you will never learn online through an email,

through a text exchange,

through an Instagram story because it's a push out.

It's not an interaction.

Right. And I think all the subtle facial changes,

tone of voice even.

Yes. And just being next to somebody face to face and

talking and interacting back and forth is a whole different dynamic.

I mean,

I'm not going to say that online isn't worth it.

There's opportunities online,

but it's not.

Instead of it's an addition to,

That's exactly when I wrote,

I think I wrote that in my most recent book.

It's not an either or.

It's a both and All right then,

well, we're going to get into a lot of details and

specifics because gift biz listeners,

Susan and I in the beginning before we actually hit play,

talked about the fact that we're going to have some solid

takeaways for you here.

But first there's a question that I've really been interested in

finding out from you Susan,

and that is how did you dive into just the thought

of networking and that concept being such a driving force in

your life?

How did that start?

Well, it's interesting.

It started with what my mother told me.

So she made you get out of the house.

Yeah. Well the other thing is,

and people often ask me,

how did you learn how to work a room?

The first time I was asked that I was like,

what I learned and I said,

Oh, it's because my mother said,

Oh, we're having a family gathering.

My family's in from Canada.

Uh, mate,

go and talk to them and make sure they don't talk

to so and so.

That was a big job for a 12 year old,

but the expectation was,

and it's very,

I think more common for women,

that we are the ultimate hosts.

We gather people,

we welcome people,

we make people feel comfortable,

and I think that serves us well.

So I grew up in Chicago and there was so much

of the Chicago lessons of what to do,

not to do that have a little more,

shall we say,

shady history,

but I've learned my lessons well,

but putting people together,

I don't.

Paul that connecting.

I mean,

I love Malcolm Gladwell and I love that he came up

with the words,

but I call it the old fashioned word matchmaking.

So when you know people should meet,

why wouldn't you introduce them?

If you know someone that needs a graphic artist,

why wouldn't you introduce them to your neighbor who has a

son who's a graphic artist?

Absolutely. This is how I live my life.

How it got started is I started my business.

I would go to events and one event,

I was the featured person,

but the microphone system was broken at the st Francis hotel

in San Francisco and I was so upset.

So I thought the only thing I can do is make

sure I go over and meet people,

extend myself,

shake their hands.

And one guy watched me and he said he was a

political handler and he said,

Susan, if you ever want to run for office,

I want to be your chairperson.

He said,

because you know how to do something that most people don't.

You know how to work a room.

And I was working on the book and that's the title.

Oh, that's how it came about.

The title came,

that's how the title came because I was giving a talk

using the word networking and a woman who hired me said,

Susan, our group is mostly men and they think networking is

very gender biased.

They won't listen to you.

You got to come up with a male appropriate title.

He said that to me.

We titled that my talk and that's the title that went,

um, the book.

And just to say to our audiences how to work room

is a totally different book than the secrets of savvy networking.

There's no repetition.

They're not the same skill.

People use networking as an umbrella,

but it's actually an accurate because knowing how to work room

is a social skill.

It's the circulating in a room.

It's socializing.

Networking is really the followup where we do what we need

to do to make sure we stay in touch,

connect, et cetera.

That's the followup behavior together.

It's dynamite,

so you use them in tandem.

I use them in tandem.

I never,

ever, when people say,

well, I'm going to network tonight,

I look at them and go,

well, first of all,

grammar school,

teacher of grammar said,

that's wrong.

Well, I'm going to an event.

I'm going to have a good time.

I'm going to socialize.

I'm going to circulate.

That's not networking.

Networking is actually the follow up is so to me it's,

some people think it's picky,

but it's two different skills.

I wrote two different books,

but more than that,

there are people,

Sue, that really are great at working a room and socializing.

You'd want them at any party,

but they have no followups.

So they're crappy networkers.

And then there are people who are wonderful networkers.

They follow up,

they send you what they said they'd send,

they get in touch with you,

they introduce you to people.

And yet the thought of walking into a room full of

people terrorizes them two different skills with 90% of us self

identifying as shy and maybe 40% saying that they're introverts.

We really need both skills to build,

manage, and create our businesses.

Absolutely. Let's get into some of the specifics.

So some of our listeners who might never have gone to

a networking,

well, I'm not even going to call it that now because

you've just taught me differently,

right? Well that's what they call it,

but you know,

you're not networking,

you're using the social skills your parents taught you.

Right. Okay,

so you're going to an event and let's say it's a

structured event,

so it's not a dinner party at your friend's house,

but it's a chamber of commerce meeting or BNI meeting or

something like that where the intent is people fully know that

it's mostly business owners who are there.

Maybe there's some people who are looking to start a business,

but what do you say to those people who are like,

I'm not doing that.

It's too scary.

To your point,

I'm going to walk in.

I'm not going to know anybody there and no,

I'm not doing it.

How do you get someone over that hump?

How about this?

Let me say it in the most helpful way.

Stop it.

First of all,

there is a saying you can build a better mouse trap

if no one knows about it.

So what,

and I'm going to say it in a kinder way,

when I just said about 90 according to the research at

the Stanford shyness clinic,

about 90% of us self-identify as shy.

You're not the only one that feels that way.

You walk into a BNI meeting,

a chamber of commerce reception,

you know your own professional association.

Maybe it's even a fundraiser for the leukemia and lymphoma society.

We don't know people.

So I'm going to give you a couple things that I've

learned along the way.

Number one,

when I was doing a radio interview on MPR,

a gentleman called in from Michigan and said,

you know,

this is what we used to say when we went into

town for a dance.

And I want you all to remember it and write this

down. The roof is the introduction.

If you're under the same roof,

you already have something in common,

you support that charity.

You're in BNI,

you're a chamber member or looking to be there is already

something common.

And by the way,

the room could have no roof.

I mean it could be Wrigley field,

it could be a football stadium,

a soccer stadium,

it could be the outdoor field where your son or daughter

is playing soccer and the other parents are there.

So the concept is there doesn't have to be a physical

roof. But if we go everywhere and before we go there,

spend two minutes thinking,

what do I have in common with the people there you

will be more prepared and you will find you're more.

Okay, perfect.

So the roof is the introduction.

Everyone's coming together for some common reason.

That's right.

Now the other part is the people that walk around saying,

and we've been seeing a lot of this in many articles.

I hate networking.

Stop it.

Here's what I've tweeted out.

Yeah. Nobody has said,

I hate networking.

Who doesn't love getting a recommendation or referral a lead?

So if you like being referred,

if you like someone introducing you to potential clients,

if you like being the recipient,

then that means you love networking.

What you don't like is walking into a room full of

people you don't know.

Say it's different.

We've got to stop that.

I hate networking.

I'm an introvert so I can't do it.

It's funny,

before there was this whole hullabaloo around introverts and the book

quiet, the people who were shy,

you never heard them say,

I hate networking.

These are people who are uncomfortable,

but they want to be with people.

They liked people.

We need to supplant that attitude with,

I have something that I'm creating that I'm doing and I

want to have as many people benefit from it.

The best way to do it is to get to know

and talk to people who will tell other people whether they're

online or face to face.

Got it.

Let me give you some tips before you go anywhere.

Have your own self-introduction prepared.

You'll feel so much better when you walk in a room

and you know what you're going to say about yourself.

Now, in spite of how a lot of people tell you

about introductions,

this is the Rowan self-introduction three traits.

It is not 30 seconds or 15 seconds.

It's a seven to nine second pleasantry and by that I

mean you're not given your whole spiel.

It's not an elevator speech or pitch.

It's a pleasantry where you give something about you as to

why you're there in the room that helps that other person

have context for your presence.

So eight,

seven to nine seconds.

And I wondered why did I say that?

And I read my book and it's cause the research from,

I believe it was Dr.

David givens is after nine seconds,

do you know that eye contact is considered a glare?

No kidding.

Yeah. And I go,

well God,

I was smart.

I forgot that was the reason.

So 79 seconds,

it's a pleasantry and if you're saying to somebody,

Hey, it's really nice to meet you.

Don't say it like this.

Oh it's so nice to meet you.

Now even if you're nervous and you want to sound like

that, you have to sound enthusiastic.

If you're going to say,

I'm happy to meet you that you are so your voice,

your face,

your body language,

you have to monitor that to make sure you look welcoming.

And how about approachable?

Seven to nine seconds.

The second thing you do is you let people know you're

there and why you're there.

So you may say,

Oh well you know I'm here because I just started my

business. I'm here because we're thinking of expanding into another market.

Give people a reason for why you're there.

It's like at a wedding,

nobody cares what you do in a wedding.

They want to know,

do you know the bride?

Do you know the groom?

So they can have context because we need to help people

out and figure out what to talk to us about.

So instead of giving your job title,

give the benefit of what you do,

the benefit of what you do.

Yes. And I learned that from Patricia Fripp.

She said to me a title means nothing,

but when you give the benefit,

people know what they will get.

And you also,

she said,

give them then the opportunity to ask a question,

start the conversation and they may ask you,

well what does that mean?

And then you are invited to explain what you do and

why you're there.

Right? So this conversation in this portion that we're talking about

right now is when you are walking into a room and

you're mingling.

So it's not in the point of a networking meeting where

people are going up and doing their elevator speeches,

the up and down.

No, this is when you're invited.

And it could be any event.

You could be going to a conference,

a meeting and association,

but even in a BNI meeting there is a time right

before the meeting you had the opportunity to socialize and that

is the work,

the room or even after the meeting you'll hear someone say

something and you might have an idea or a thought or

a question that won't come up in a structure.

That's where you get to be social.

The most confounding is the not structured event.

That's very confounding for people and then the third quality of

what you do with people is you give them something to

remember you by.

So it's something that you've said,

something that you tell them so that they can put in

their brain who I'm talking to.

Make sure you say your name clearly and I know this

is going to sound strange.

Introduce yourself to people if you're not wearing a name tag

first and last names,

never just first name.

Oh, interesting.

Here's another tip from how to work room when there's a

name tag event.

Always make sure your name tags on your right hand side.

Yup. I learned that from you years ago.

Yes. Thank you.

Cause the line of sight is with the handshake and it's

real easy for someone to sneak a peek and catch up.

So those are how we prepare ourselves.

Seven to nine seconds.

Give the benefit of what you do and give people something

memorable. First and last names also,

I don't care if you the paper online,

in print,

go through a newspaper,

don't walk into any event where you don't know what's going

on in the world,

in the country,

in your community,

in your profession.

You will have more conversation if you have stayed aware cause

there's nothing worse than someone saying,

Oh did you hear that the youngest Jenner is worth,

what did they say?

I think I read it was like couple billion dollars with

her makeup line that's actually being picked up all over.

You should really know what's going on.

Not that I give a thought about the Kardashians.

Jenners but the idea is she's making the billionaires list.

Well it's an a way to get off of conversation.

That's just the small banter and that was going to be

one of my questions because I so often find that we'll

go in and start talking with someone and it's like,

Oh well you say your name,

what company are you with?

And then people will start giving the address of where the

location is like crazy things that don't even matter and it's

all just very surface level talk.

Do you never get deeper?

I can't wait for you to hear Susan's perspective on small

talk. We're going to do that right after a word from

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Okay, you and I'm going to say something about that.

I will suggest to everyone a little different than what you

said is embrace small talk and I'll tell you why I

don't consider the address as a detail that's irrelevant,

right? But the small talk of,

Oh, where did you go to school?

Oh my gosh.

I had a friend that went there,

Oh, I'm originally from Chicago,

was you know,

Oh, where did you meet people?

And I go,

where'd you go to high school?

Oh, where did you eat pizza?

Now a lot of people in a lot of other cities

think, what are you asking me where I ate pizza from?

But we all know that's a really important question because people

bond about what they have in common.

So whether it's we went to the same school,

we liked the same movies,

we support the same teams.

Once you find the common bond,

something different happens like you and I did when it was

Cheryl, right?

Ms Cheryl stationary station,

as we said in our pre-conversation,

40 years of successful stationaries in gift store.

Remarkable. But when you find something in common,

someone in common,

the conversation changes and then it segues into something deeper.

I, one of my pet peeves are people that show up

at networking events with the prescribed deep dive questions and I

am the person that'll say,

I don't even know you.

You haven't earned the right to ask that.

Get to know me.

How can you figure out how you can help me if

you don't have a conversation with me,

how can I figure out how to help you if we

haven't had a talk?

And if you come up to me and go,

well I,

and I actually know someone who did that wrote about that

in my book.

Secrets of savvy networking.

I really need leads to hotel,

restaurant managers.

Uh, who are you?

Yeah, I've seen that too.

I agree with you in terms of the level of small

talk and the connecting and finding some common ground.

But I find some people,

what'll happen is they will say good morning and they'll talk

about the weather and then they'll throw a business card at

you. Oh no.

Those are people that know how to work a room.

And I think people do that because they might be shy

and they might've gone to some program of someone that doesn't

know what they're talking about,

of what networking is.

That is not networking.

A business card exchange comes after in this country comes after

a conversation.

In some countries it proceeds and there's a on the Eastern

countries, Japan,

et cetera.

So there's a more formalized process cause it is a presentation

of a business card.

But in North America and in many parts of Europe,

it follows up a conversation.

Here's the whole key.

It all is really Sue is if you're in a room,

you have the wonderful option of talking to people face to

face, have a conversation,

find out what they're interested in.

If you don't know something about what they're interested in.

Well what if I don't know anything?

I said,

Oh even better.

Oh I'm not aware of that.

Could you tell me more?

Right. Okay.

Well so now I have another question and I'm going to

put myself out on the line cause I'm going to tell

you what I tell people to do and you're going to

tell me if this is good advice or not.

All right?

So when I'm working with somebody and they are uncomfortable about

networking, you and I spoke earlier about how much of an

advocate I am and most of our listeners know because I

talked to them,

you know,

you should be out networking no matter what.

But I also,

when people are nervous and anxious and afraid to go in,

I tell them,

don't focus on yourself.

What you're trying to do is focus and learn as much

as you can about other people to see how you can

help them.

And then automatically it'll start turning around later too.

Oh, and also what do you do?

But so if the focus is on nice to meet you,

whatever all small talk is,

I grew with a small talk there and then your questions

are all learning about them,

not, what do I say next about me?

It makes everything so much easier because you're focusing out,

you're not focusing in.

What do you think about that?

Well, absolutely and I'm going to give this other thought that

I woman said in a presentation I did in Hawaii and

it was such good advice and I'm so glad she gave

it to me so early on that I could share it.

Instead of walking into a room going,

Oh, I'm so nervous I don't like people.

What if do that?

She said,

do you have to change that attitude to what can I

do to make them comfortable with me?

And when you do that and you shift that attitude and

you actually try to make people comfortable with you,

they actually will get comfortable.

When they're comfortable,

they'll be more open and then you're in a dialogue.

So what you said is true also on conversation.

Conversation is not 20 questions.

Conversation is not an interrogation.

The three,

and I actually wrote,

what do I say next?

I'm still out there by grand central publishing.

The three aspects to conversation.

I tell everyone you can't miss if you go everywhere bringing

your or you'll paddle through any problem.

And it stands for observe,

ask, reveal.

A conversation is not just questions,

it's not just observations.

And it's not just revealing,

but it's a combination.

And I know someone whose idea of conversation is she asks

20 questions and I'm going to tell you why we shouldn't

do that.

Number one,

we will appear nosy.

Number two,

you can say,

well, I'm just curious,

but the most important thing is you put someone else on

the spot to do all the talking.

Yeah. You have to bring your story,

your comments.

One of the things I share with people is if someone's

talking about something that you really don't know,

but you have a friend,

like I don't have a dog.

I can't share dog stories,

but I borrow my friend's dog stories.

So if someone's talking about their pet,

I borrow.

If it's a golden,

I have my friend with the golden stories,

I have the Bishone stories.

So here's the under score to this,

the Rowan tip,

borrow other people's lives.

That's how we help connect with people when we don't have

that direct experience.

Interesting. Yeah,

so you tell a story from someone else that's relevant to

the conversation that's relevant to the conversation.

It's like,

Oh, how about this?

I am never jumping out of a plane that is in

good working condition.

I have a friend who's a skydiver.

Someone talks about,

Oh, I'm doing this skydive for my birthday.

Well, I try not to roll my eyes because that would

be a good thing,

but then the next thing is I shared Jim's story of

how he got started.

Actually. He wanted me to go sky diving and three people

who love and adore me said,

no, you're not doing it.

I said,

okay, but you see if you borrow other stories or if

you've read or if you've read the paper you'll read about

and that's how you build the conversation.

If people say,

I'm too busy to read the paper,

but now we have these wonderful content curators,

you can decide what information you want and get that into

your inbox every day.

You know what I use?

I use the week 10 Points that you should know that

happened that the day before something to talk about.

I have the skim delivered.

Have you heard of a scam?

Oh, me too.

Oh no.

I've been getting this skim for a couple years.

Yes, the skim is good.

Bustle is good.

I also get,

cause I have to know what's going on.

I get Xes,

I get Politico,

I make sure besides,

I read three print newspapers a day and two online.

Oh my gosh.

How do you get anything else done?

That's a lot.

You skim it.

I skip but I sometimes wonder and I wonder why I

do that and I realized when I grew up in Chicago

there were four newspapers,

two morning and two afternoon and they all came to my

house. I saw my parents read papers,

but I also saw what a great conversationalist my mother was.

You know what occurs to me as you were talking about

that in terms of borrowing other people's stories and what you

were just talking about too about making people comfortable with you

is if you can borrow someone else's story or to your

point about knowing something current where you can keep the conversation

going ultimately then it will get back onto,

because you know how conversations go.

It's one topic morphs into another another.

So the whole point is I think person to person interaction

and you're getting to know people by having that interaction versus

always the content you're delivering and telling them what you're doing

and like we were talking about passing out all these cards

and all that.

It's getting someone to like you and want to talk more

with you through these series of conversations that then leads to

what you would really define as networking,

which is afterwards.

Right? That's exactly right.

That's beautifully said.

Wait, you're building and this is,

everyone says the word and a lot of people actually are

so robotic about it.

I don't believe a word they say,

but what you're saying is what you're building is connection.

You're building relationships Which then can lead on to business exchange,

referral exchange,

any of that.

Exactly. People,

this is,

Oh my gosh.

The guy that did megatrends,

he wrote a book with one of his wives and one

of the tenets that they discovered is,

and people quoted all the time,

but they don't actually know where they're quoting.

It's, they did the research and found people do business with

people they know like,

and trust.

And the more you can get to know people by a

conversation, communication,

staying in touch,

the deeper you build the trust and the relationship,

especially face to face.

Absolutely. When face to face came out,

it unfortunately came out the week that the economy crashed.

But when I wrote the original proposal,

and that's gotta be 15 years ago,

it was called the human touch.

I change the subtitle and they let go with it,

which was a how to reclaim the personal touch in a

digital world.

And that book came out 10 years ago.

That is now the biggest issue we have or problem we

have is that we've lost a lot of personal touch.

And that will propel you further.

In fact,

a research that said,

well, you know how people say don't have meetings,

they're boring.

And they found out that actual,

the meetings and some of the things we think are outdated

are how people connect with each other on the job through

their organizations,

et cetera.

So yeah,

the face to face is ultimately important.

And if you were in a different geographic location and you

want to meet with someone,

meet on Skype or zoom or FaceTime,

right. It's almost person to person.

It's face to face.

It might not be in person,

but it's face to face.

That does wonders.

That's how you have a global community.

This guy and I,

we think of ourselves,

Oh, you'll love this story.

We think our ever ourselves as best friends.

He's in England,

he's introduced to me by Ivan Meisner who founded BNI.

We're doing a Google Hangouts.

I don't like Google Hangouts,

but I really like Skype and zoom and he's from England.

So I happened to say,

well perhaps you know my friend's brother.

And he goes,

Oh, I think I heard of him.

And I said,

well maybe you know of this sister-in-law who quite the star.

He goes,

yeah, I just read a book about her.

I was in love with her.

I had her picture on my wall as a kid.

It changed everything.

Now we are really good buds and here's the best thing.

Two years ago I was texting my cousin a new year

greeting and she came back and wrote me and said,

Oh my friend Ian has a cousin that talks about networking

perhaps you know him and sends me my friend Andy Lapada,

his URL.

I go,

no, this isn't Chicago.

He's in England,

I'm in San Francisco.

I immediately send them an email going,

well the first cousins network is working.

My first cousins friends with his first cousin.

Oh my gosh,

that's crazy.

But folks,

I tell this story because it is a,

you never know if we don't talk to people,

we don't find out who we have in common,

what we know in common,

what we like in common.

But I'm going to tell you about my second cousin cause

it goes exactly to it.

Everyone listening who is a maker does my cousin Renee owned

Rene's sauces and salad dressings in Canada.

Here's how it came about.

And by the way,

whenever I meet someone from Canada I say,

Oh do you use your Rene's sauces and salad dressings?

Oh yes.

I love their creamy garlic.

I go,

it's my cousin.

And then we have a salad dressing conversation.

And I tell them this story cause she's in my book,

how to create your own luck.

She had an allergy to the things we put in food.

So she couldn't use salad.

So she would make her own.

And it was one holiday season.

It was time for Christmas and Hanukkah.

She had three kids,

second grade teacher,

not a lot of money.

So she made salad dressing for all their friends.

It was quite cute.

She said the red and green bows went on the Christmas

ones, the blue bows went on the Hanukkah salad dressing jars.

Two weeks later she started getting calls from friends.

Do you have any more?

No. Could you make me some?

And she said,

yeah, I'm going to sit and be 20 eggs.

You know.

And then finally a friend called and said,

what would you charge me for another jar?

And she blew it off.

And her husband,

Arnie said,

why don't we find out?

Yeah. She had some market research.

She didn't even know she was getting exactly.

When the marketplace asks you give them an answer.

Turns out they started the company and she started making just

salad dressing in her kitchen.

She sold the company a couple of years ago to Heinz.

I was in the factory the last time I was in

Toronto. Folks with started as I'm allergic to the gunk in

premade, whatever.

That's before we hit gluten free as a panacea.

She did something because necessity is the mother of invention and

it turned into her business.

The same Mrs.

Fields with the cookies,

right? We,

there are so many role models of people who did things

and someone said,

gee, this is so good.

What would you charge me for that?

Let's find out the answer.

Keeping yourself open and scaling.

Some people want to scale up.

Other people are happy just to have the business in one

location. Some people are happy to do it online and not

have brick and mortar.

There's so many ways to build a business.

Absolutely true.

But to what you were saying earlier,

people have to know about your business and not just people

in business meetings,

but your family and friends,

like with your cousins stories.

So you have to get the word out and that circles

all the way back to,

I don't know.

We need a new word for networking.

Yeah. Communication,

sharing or I don't know.

It needs to be,

you know what?

That is what it is.

It's being connected.

Communicating. The networks are really interesting because it actually comes from

physics. I know I'm the only person who writes on networking

who actually read linked by dr Barrow,

bossy, who is a physics PhD professor because so much of

that goes back to physics and how neurons and all that

string theory,

believe it or not,

but it is about these networks and you know what?

You don't just have one network.

I've had people say to me,

well, I really don't have a network.

I have a neighbor who says,

I'm not a social person.

I don't have a network.

Yes, you do.

You live next door to one.

You went to school with one,

you went to camp with one,

you play bocce ball with one.

Your kids are in a soccer group with other parents who

are one,

your fellow workers.

They're one.

And really,

you know,

how about your family?

And some people took issue with this when I wrote in

secrets of savvy networking,

not only your family,

your cousins,

but how about this?

Your cousins,

cousins, they're not related to you,

but they ought to know about you.

Yeah, I mean,

it doesn't mean that you are selling them,

but it means that you're in communication with them.

They know what you do.

They might be able to offer and refer you to somebody

else. There's that word refer,

which we can question,

but everyone does have a network.

And whenever I think of networking,

I think of one person who used to work for me

a long time ago.

Her name was Kristin.

I don't know how she came about being a networker,

but between her clients and her friends and all the people

that you just said here,

Susan, I got to tell you,

she was always connecting everybody.

That's right.

She was the one where I got that thinking of you

think about what you can do to help somebody else versus

having the microscope on you and what you can tell somebody

about you.

I want you to know she never had to go and

look for another job.

Clients and other businesses sought her out.

Recruiters, everybody knew who she was.

No, she was good at her job too,

but I think it was really through all of her networking,

but you just hit the magic.

You have to have the skill,

you have to have the talent,

you have to have the knowhow,

the wherewithal.

It is hard work.

And by the way,

being a good networker is not,

instead of being good at what you do,

it's in addition.

But she's that node in the network.

She's that.

I never ride a bicycle,

but you know how all the spikes come off that the

spokes, the spokes all come out from a central unit.

Yeah, she's the central unit.

But what she also did is she stayed in touch with

people. And I bet,

and this is something I want to tell you,

I hear this a lot about networking.

Oh, I want to have great strategies and leverage my contacts.

Mm, yeah,

I've heard that.

And I find that reprehensible because really what you want to

do is let people know what you do.

But you also want to be the person that people want

to know.

So you're gonna have to be,

and I know this is going to sound extremely old school,

cool. Everywhere,

just be nice to people.

Think about it,

make them feel comfortable with you.

What that woman told me in Hawaii has served me for

the longest time,

and you build a network from there.

You don't want anyone in your network that gives you agita

and makes you feel like you're going to have an ulcer

attack and you will never,

I've told this to people,

when I refer a speaker to an organization,

I say to them,

I'm only people who not only have the expertise to speak

about this area,

but who you'll enjoy working with.

I never recommend.

And anyone who isn't Elser creator.

Yeah. So I think that woman that,

you know,

that's what happens and people will say,

but I work harder than she does.

But you don't have the relationships.

It's all relationships.

It all comes back to relationships.

You're totally right.

Susan, we could go on and keep talking.

I know you probably have a million other stories,

but I'm sure you have other things that you need to

do today.

I'm getting my hair colored in an hour.

If you don't think that's an important thing in my week.

Oh my God.

Well secret is,

I have an appointment this afternoon as well.

So how about that?

Seriously. I'm not kidding.

See what we just did.

We revealed a little something.

Truth about our life.

Connected. Shared a laugh.

Yeah. What you think that does.

So don't be afraid to share some things,

but like as one woman said to me,

my son was in juvie for the weekend and I never

shared that with anyone.

Yeah. It endears you and it's okay to also share weaknesses,

I think too.

I mean,

it doesn't have to be all Bravo.

Oh yes.

If you are vulnerable.

I think that's one of the things that people find attractive

in people when they are vulnerable.

That's not my skill.

I really don't know about it.

I'm really a bad techie.

I may be great at social media,

but Sue knows when it comes to,

Oh my God,

how do I get the microphone into this?

It doesn't quite work.

But you know what?

When you share vulnerability,

you never know.

You could be talking to the person that says,

Oh, I know how to do that.

Let me help you.

Oh my cousins can do that.

Let me introduce you.

Share vulnerability.

But I will say this on my tour,

there is a wonderful sign that says everything about me cause

it says Martha Stewart doesn't live here.

That's good.

And we all can't be good at everything.

And it's crazy to even think you can.

And I say to people,

in terms of our makers who are making baking products,

why would I take business away from someone who can bake

a bread and make a brownie and try it myself?

They're trying to make a living.

I have to support them.

Love that.

Well, you have supported my community in such a wonderful way

today because the information that you're providing is so good.

And I told you before,

I want to motivate everybody to get out there and to

be in communication with other people.

See, I'm trying to learn different words to use because it

can be valuable.

It's reciprocal.

It can be valuable to both.

Now Susan,

I'd like to present you with a virtual gift.

It's a magical box containing unlimited possibilities for your future and

what comes next.

So this is your dream or your goal of almost unreachable

Heights that you'd wished to obtain.

Please accept this gift and it in our presence right here.

What's inside your box?

I was hoping it would be five pounds less,

but that is not what you could give me as a

gift. I got to do that on my own.

What would be in my box and I actually thought about

it. What would be in my box?

Cause this is what's important to me would be the airplane

and train tickets so I could visit face to face around

the country and a world with the people who are in

my life who are just one hug or plane ride away.

That's the first thing.

I'm a big believer in that.

In fact I was speaking in Nashville and I said,

Oh I'm in the neighborhood.

I better go to Charlotte and visit my adopted family.

So I think the face to face that would be helped

by plane ticket.

That would be in my box.

That would be one thing.

The other thing that would really be important to me is

having in my box the certificate of good health,

the good health certificate because so little matters if one does

not have good health.

And I,

luckily I think I have it.

I'm knocking out more cause I'm superstitious,

but I think a good health certificate and that really means

that all of us that have our own businesses and our

own practices that we really need to make sure that we're

exercising, eating right,

don't do the things that don't help us and stay in

good health.

Because when you see someone that doesn't have it,

you appreciate it so much better.

Yeah, you sure do.

Then you have to remember and appreciate it every day when

you do have it.

For sure.

Yeah, and I think the third thing in my box,

because this is how I make my living and this is

what I love doing and that is invitations to be hired

to speak at conferences,

organizations, meetings,

universities. It's schools because to me spreading the word,

which I've done for over three decades of how we can

meet, mingle,

become mingling mavens,

overcome our shyness adapter introversion into a way that works for

us and make friends because ultimately Sue,

all the research shows the people that live longer,

healthier lives are the people who have friends and relationships.

Well said and I've heard that research too.

You're right Susan,

thank you so,

so much for being here today.

If our listeners want to know more about you,

where would you direct them to go?

My website is Susan rowan.com

S U S a N R O a N e.com.

You can also get to it by going to how to

work a room.com.

Thank you so much.

And Susan,

I really think that we've accomplished what we set out to

do today.

We had our objective in the beginning and I think we

landed it.

What do you think?

I would agree and I think this cause you and I

are so much on the same page,

we just want everyone listening in your community to know that

the sooner and the more often you do the face to

face, I think the quicker and the more valuable your business

will grow.

I don't even want to say anything more.

I want to end it there because that was the best

final statement that you could give.

Susan, thank you so much.

I really appreciate your time today.

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