263 – Take Control of Your Fear with Jennifer Allwood
Jennifer Allwood is a passionate cheerleader of women who adds biblical truth to the modern day “dream big” mantra.
She’s the author of Fear Is Not the Boss of You: How to Get Out of Your Head and Live the Life You Were Made For and host of The Jennifer Allwood Show.
Her no-nonsense approach to doing things you are scared to do and saying yes to God is helping women everywhere build the life and business of their dreams. When she’s not coaching, she’s “livin’ the dream” with Mr. Magic (her husband, Jason) and their four wild kiddos—Noah, Easton, Ava Grace, and their new bonus kiddo, Ariana.
BUSINESS BUILDING INSIGHTS
- If you figure out how you got stuck, it provides understanding on how to turn it around.
- Women wait to take action until they feel confident.
- In truth, confidence comes from having the courage to act.
- Confidence also comes from doing things you’re scared to do.
- You can do hard things and it won’t break you.
- You can move past overwhelm into clarity and joy.
- Staying with stuck people keeps you stuck too.
- Live for something bigger than yourself.
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Fear is Not the Boss of You by Jennifer Allwood
CONTACT LINKS
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Thank so much! Sue
Transcript
Gift biz unwrapped,
Speaker:episode 263 if you're somebody who is sad or have been
Speaker:really just tapped with fear,
Speaker:it's a book that's going to give you the courage to
Speaker:get out of the thing in life.
Speaker:Attention gifters,
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Speaker:Here is your host gift biz gal,
Speaker:Sue moon Heights.
Speaker:Hi there,
Speaker:it's Sue And as always I'm so happy that we're together
Speaker:again here today.
Speaker:How are you doing?
Speaker:We're in week.
Speaker:Oh, I don't even know anymore of being at home and
Speaker:managing through this uncertain time.
Speaker:I want you to know I'm thinking about you.
Speaker:Whatever your circumstances and challenges are today,
Speaker:you have my heart and my support.
Speaker:I keep trying to think of other ways to help and
Speaker:connect with you and as you know,
Speaker:I offered up my book maker to master for free on
Speaker:this podcast.
Speaker:All this month you can go back and find all 12
Speaker:episodes bright here.
Speaker:I'm also going live in my private Facebook group,
Speaker:gift biz breeze at 11:00 AM central Mondays,
Speaker:Wednesdays, and Fridays.
Speaker:If you're not in the breeze yet,
Speaker:come join us there.
Speaker:You'll hear more about the group at the end of the
Speaker:show, but you can also go to gift biz,
Speaker:unwrapped.com forward slash gift biz breeze or just search Facebook for
Speaker:gift biz breeze.
Speaker:The Breezers are an amazing and supportive group of women,
Speaker:highly interactive and an uplifting place to be for sure,
Speaker:especially now and if you're already part of the group.
Speaker:Thank you because you are one of the women who has
Speaker:made it truly amazing.
Speaker:Today we're going to hear from Jennifer Allwood.
Speaker:Her new book was released a short time ago and couldn't
Speaker:be more timely.
Speaker:Fear is not the boss of you.
Speaker:When she reached out about being on the show,
Speaker:I rearranged my lineup to include her as soon as I
Speaker:could. Right now,
Speaker:I know a lot of you are experiencing fear that's expected
Speaker:and completely understandable,
Speaker:but the truth is fear plays a role in our lives
Speaker:even when we're not in the middle of a pandemic.
Speaker:Jennifer shares with us why?
Speaker:This is how to work through fear and in the end,
Speaker:not let it prevent you from living a life that in
Speaker:your heart you truly want to live.
Speaker:Here's my interview with Jennifer Today.
Speaker:I am so excited to reintroduce you to Jennifer Allwood.
Speaker:Jennifer is the passionate cheerleader of all women who adds biblical
Speaker:truth to the modern day.
Speaker:Big dream mantra.
Speaker:She's the author of fear is not the boss of you,
Speaker:how to get out of your head and live the life
Speaker:you were made for.
Speaker:And she's also the host of the Jennifer Allwood show.
Speaker:Her no nonsense approach to doing things you're scared to do
Speaker:and saying yes to God is helping women everywhere build the
Speaker:life and the business of their dreams.
Speaker:When she's not coaching.
Speaker:She's living the dream with mr magic,
Speaker:who's her husband,
Speaker:Jason and therefore wild kiddos.
Speaker:Noah Easton,
Speaker:Arava, grace and their new bonus kiddo.
Speaker:Ariana. Jennifer,
Speaker:welcome back to the show.
Speaker:Hi Sue.
Speaker:I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker:Thanks for having me.
Speaker:I am thrilled that you're here and just to brief our
Speaker:listeners in case we have some new timers here,
Speaker:Jennifer and I spoke back last June episode 217 so if
Speaker:you want to hear more about Jennifer,
Speaker:her business,
Speaker:her story,
Speaker:all of that,
Speaker:you can go back and reference that episode,
Speaker:but for now we're going to move forward and all the
Speaker:new things that have happened since then.
Speaker:This. Yes,
Speaker:yes. A lot of new things.
Speaker:Well, start telling me the book,
Speaker:like how did that all happen?
Speaker:Well, I have known for a long time that I wanted
Speaker:to write a book,
Speaker:even when I was a little girl,
Speaker:I can remember wanting to write a children's book.
Speaker:I wanted to be a children's author when I was older.
Speaker:I just loved to read.
Speaker:And then for a good decade we were raised in small
Speaker:babies. We had three kids and under six years and so
Speaker:kind of the reading went out the door for a while.
Speaker:But in recent years the kids have all grown up a
Speaker:little bit.
Speaker:Everybody's wiping their own bottoms.
Speaker:So about four years ago I really decided that I was
Speaker:ready to write a book and I wanted to take all
Speaker:of my blog posts.
Speaker:I've been doing DIY painting and home decorating and projects around
Speaker:my house for years and years on my blog.
Speaker:The magic brush back then.
Speaker:And so I wanted to just take all those blog posts
Speaker:and someone told me you could just wrap those all up
Speaker:into a book,
Speaker:like just copy and paste.
Speaker:So I literally spent like months and months and months copying
Speaker:and pasting my entire blog into like a word format.
Speaker:And then I sass you and I just like waited,
Speaker:weighed in.
Speaker:I thought,
Speaker:well surely somebody is going to reach out to me.
Speaker:And there would be like,
Speaker:Hey, we want to publish this book,
Speaker:but still just in word format on your laptop.
Speaker:We heard about it through the grapevine somehow,
Speaker:and of course that never happened,
Speaker:but I did get introduced to a book agent about two
Speaker:years ago and her and I had some long conversations about
Speaker:my desire to write a book and she said,
Speaker:so do you still want to write a DIY book?
Speaker:And I said,
Speaker:I actually don't,
Speaker:like I don't,
Speaker:God has really pivoted me out of the painting,
Speaker:the DIY industry into coaching women in the online space.
Speaker:And so that's no longer even a topic I wanted a
Speaker:book on.
Speaker:And so then we really had to start kind of fleshing
Speaker:out, well,
Speaker:okay, so what is a book you'd want to write?
Speaker:What do you feel like is a book that you'd be
Speaker:happy to 10 years down the road,
Speaker:have put that out into the world?
Speaker:And so we really worked on flushing that out and trying
Speaker:to figure out kind of what I thought my gift to
Speaker:the world could be or how I could help the most
Speaker:women. And so we talked about writing a business book and
Speaker:I just like,
Speaker:I knew it wasn't a business book.
Speaker:And so what it basically boiled down to is when I'm
Speaker:helping women one-on-one or when I'm coaching them in business,
Speaker:what I feel like can do best is encourage a woman
Speaker:to do things in spite of her fear,
Speaker:to see things from a different angle so that she realizes
Speaker:that, look,
Speaker:we've all got things that we're scared of doing,
Speaker:but there's also things that you really need to do here
Speaker:in this one lifetime that you're given.
Speaker:And so that is what I wrote the book.
Speaker:Such a big topic though,
Speaker:and I agree with you and we talk about this often
Speaker:in my coaching too,
Speaker:is that it's the fear of doing and not taking action.
Speaker:And when you don't take action,
Speaker:nothing ever happens.
Speaker:Right? So how did you,
Speaker:and I wanted to get into some of the topics in
Speaker:the contents of the book and by the way,
Speaker:it's fabulous.
Speaker:I already know that you are fulfilling your hope for this
Speaker:book of helping a lot of women.
Speaker:That's like already a given even though I know that it's
Speaker:at the time that we're talking,
Speaker:it's just now recently out in the world I believe.
Speaker:Yeah. But we did hit number one bestseller on Amazon yesterday.
Speaker:Amen. Congratulations.
Speaker:Yeah. Literally though,
Speaker:I mean it's the worst possible time to launch a book
Speaker:simply because the whole world is really distracted right now with
Speaker:what's going on in the world with Toronto bios and things.
Speaker:But like I was telling my dad yesterday like I'm so
Speaker:grateful that the book is a relevant topic to today.
Speaker:I mean because we have more fear I think going on
Speaker:in the world right now.
Speaker:I'm at least glad that the topic is very relevant for
Speaker:everyone. Yeah,
Speaker:it definitely is.
Speaker:And people have a lot of time to read,
Speaker:so I'm glad they're looking.
Speaker:I'm glad they're getting it cause I think it's going to
Speaker:help even more.
Speaker:So I think even moving on after we've conquered this,
Speaker:we're back in whatever our new normal is going to be.
Speaker:I think that the book is going to do so much
Speaker:for so many people.
Speaker:I want to go back to my question real quick.
Speaker:Like how did you start diving into the topic of fear?
Speaker:Dad even seems fearful to dabble this topic Well,
Speaker:so I think we kind of started with the end in
Speaker:mind. So what do you want to read or to walk
Speaker:away from the book with and for me,
Speaker:I really wanted a woman to walk away and go,
Speaker:okay, I'm not alone.
Speaker:I see now that every single woman fights with these same
Speaker:exact emotions,
Speaker:but there are still things on the side of heaven that
Speaker:I need to do and should do to use the gifts
Speaker:that I've been given to serve my family and my community
Speaker:as well.
Speaker:And so,
Speaker:okay, what do I need to do now?
Speaker:I wanted every woman when she was done to like almost
Speaker:take a deep breath and go,
Speaker:okay, all right,
Speaker:so let's go.
Speaker:So we started with kind of that in mind and then
Speaker:I thought of all the different things that I feel like
Speaker:are relevant to the topic of fear and the majority of
Speaker:the women that I deal with,
Speaker:things like imposter syndrome and things like feeling not good enough
Speaker:and things like procrastination since I coached so many women who
Speaker:are business owners,
Speaker:like those topics come up a lot because I kept wanting
Speaker:to like dig deeper and like,
Speaker:okay, so why does a woman procrastinate?
Speaker:Why does a woman feel imposter syndrome?
Speaker:Why does she self sabotage?
Speaker:Like take that even a step deeper.
Speaker:And so we basically broke the book into several different sections.
Speaker:So like the first section is basically asking,
Speaker:okay, are you a woman who is stuck,
Speaker:overwhelmed or scared?
Speaker:And so part two is that,
Speaker:okay, so how did you actually get there?
Speaker:Because sometimes I think if we could figure out how we
Speaker:got wherever we are,
Speaker:it gives us clues as to how to get out of
Speaker:there. So I think that there's a chapter on like watching
Speaker:other people win on social media.
Speaker:Sometimes we get really stuck and overwhelmed and scared to try
Speaker:new things because we're watching all these other people and I'm
Speaker:using air quotes like crazy right now to like be successful
Speaker:in the online space and I love the internet.
Speaker:This is how I make all of my money.
Speaker:This is how my family,
Speaker:we've run our business.
Speaker:But the internet,
Speaker:it's both a gift and it's also something that just can
Speaker:hurt so badly in terms of following our dreams.
Speaker:So I talk about that.
Speaker:I talk about how if you're hanging out with a lot
Speaker:of people who are stuck,
Speaker:like that's going to keep you stuck.
Speaker:I talk sometimes about how generationally we're often handed things from
Speaker:our parents.
Speaker:We stay stuck because that's kind of how we were raised
Speaker:and we were raised around stuck people and a lot of
Speaker:times those people,
Speaker:although precious,
Speaker:they want to keep us stuck.
Speaker:So I looked at this whole like section I on how
Speaker:you got to where you are and then really determining in
Speaker:part three like are you actually ready to change?
Speaker:Because I do know that there's a cost,
Speaker:there's a price to be paid for breaking generational purses.
Speaker:There's a price to be paid for being first in your
Speaker:family to do something.
Speaker:There's a price to be paid for getting out of your
Speaker:comfort zone.
Speaker:There's a price that has to be paid and so not
Speaker:every woman is ready to do the dreams that are in
Speaker:their heart or to make changes in her life.
Speaker:So we talk about that.
Speaker:I really give women like some tactical examples.
Speaker:A lot of the women that I serve suit their mothers.
Speaker:I love moms so much and I have three biological children.
Speaker:We're in the process of adopting our fourth kiddo and I
Speaker:find that so often moms will put themselves last on the
Speaker:list. Now serve everybody else in the house and their community
Speaker:and their family first and themselves last.
Speaker:And so I talk in the book about how if you
Speaker:can't serve yourself by way of doing the thing that you
Speaker:feel like you're supposed to be doing or getting unstuck or
Speaker:doing the thing you're scared to do,
Speaker:could you do it for other people?
Speaker:Could you do it for your kiddos because they're watching it?
Speaker:Could you do it for your community because they're watching?
Speaker:Could you do it for God if you're a woman of
Speaker:faith? So we talked about that and then the last section
Speaker:is just like,
Speaker:Hey, I just want you to know that basically when you
Speaker:decide that you're going to do the thing that you're scared
Speaker:to do,
Speaker:that you're going to get unstuck.
Speaker:Like this is pretty much what you can expect to happen.
Speaker:Like crash,
Speaker:probably gonna hit the fan.
Speaker:And I like to warn women of that because I think
Speaker:so often they'll start like making moves and they'll start their
Speaker:business or they're finally fill out the paperwork to buy a
Speaker:new house or those shift jobs and then they'll kind of
Speaker:be hit with resistance right off the bat and they'll think
Speaker:that they've made a wrong decision.
Speaker:That's definitely not the case.
Speaker:And so we broke out the book into those like five
Speaker:different sections and I think it's really helpful for women to
Speaker:like have it broken out that way so they can kind
Speaker:of see where they fit,
Speaker:where they are and where they're going from here.
Speaker:I absolutely agree with you and I think one of the
Speaker:things that we all are driven to,
Speaker:and even though I hear it over and over again,
Speaker:even for myself,
Speaker:I feel this way is I always feel like when I
Speaker:reach my next goal,
Speaker:whatever that is,
Speaker:whether it's revenue,
Speaker:whether it's followers,
Speaker:whether it's students,
Speaker:whatever, then like all the fear goes away,
Speaker:right? You're not judging them.
Speaker:Imposter syndrome goes away.
Speaker:You're not anxious anymore.
Speaker:Things are just smooth sailing.
Speaker:Yeah. If it's a phone,
Speaker:like I talk in the book about that too,
Speaker:about how there's so many people that we think are like
Speaker:making it air folks.
Speaker:They're successful and they struggle with the same thoughts and the
Speaker:same fears and the same everything that we do.
Speaker:There's a saying by Joyce Meyer,
Speaker:she says,
Speaker:new level,
Speaker:new devil.
Speaker:And so I think that we think too,
Speaker:that once I get to this size,
Speaker:once I get to this place in life or this part
Speaker:of my business that I'll have a control on this.
Speaker:But literally every time you kind of level up,
Speaker:whether it's in business or life or,
Speaker:or however,
Speaker:there's always like new things coming at you and new things
Speaker:that make you wonder if you're good enough if you can
Speaker:actually do this.
Speaker:And so I do think that it's such an illusion for
Speaker:us to think that we're ever going to have like smoothing.
Speaker:I wish that that was the case,
Speaker:but it's just not,
Speaker:it's just not.
Speaker:You just accept that that's the way it is and just
Speaker:adjust to the fact that everyone's the same way and you
Speaker:just, I don't know who said it,
Speaker:but get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Speaker:Absolutely. A hundred percent I was thinking the other day about
Speaker:how do you ever,
Speaker:like right now we're in the middle of being in a
Speaker:stay at home order here in Kansas city.
Speaker:We're on week four so and apparently I eat my feelings
Speaker:apparently all my feelings right now,
Speaker:but I was telling somebody being there,
Speaker:being like I could look back on pictures of myself like
Speaker:10 years ago,
Speaker:20 years ago,
Speaker:I can remember the girl in high school myself in high
Speaker:school and I remember thinking,
Speaker:gosh, I thought I was frumpy,
Speaker:fluffy. I thought I was chunking then and I'm like,
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:what was I even thinking?
Speaker:And I think sometimes that's how we are in life in
Speaker:general. Like now I can look back at things that I
Speaker:worried about,
Speaker:freaked out over a decade ago and things that kept me
Speaker:stuck and now I'm like,
Speaker:Oh my gosh.
Speaker:Like what was I even thinking that was being so ridiculous
Speaker:making that hard phone call?
Speaker:Why was I so intimidated by that?
Speaker:Writing that really hard email signing up for that new class.
Speaker:Like why did I make that into such a big deal?
Speaker:Why was that so hard for me?
Speaker:And so I think we're constantly in this like mode of
Speaker:growing and God's growing us and we're being stretched and we're
Speaker:being developed and grown into the person that we're supposed to
Speaker:be. And so I don't know that we ever finally ride
Speaker:to make it.
Speaker:Yeah, I mean,
Speaker:I think it's so big in the moment that you're doing
Speaker:these things,
Speaker:but like you said,
Speaker:when you look back,
Speaker:it's just like this little speck of time and really whatever
Speaker:happens, like let's say the worst thing that you could think
Speaker:of happens really doesn't mean that much in the long term
Speaker:when you're looking at a few years out.
Speaker:Yeah. Well,
Speaker:I had a friend make a really great point to me
Speaker:yesterday. I'm in a mastermind with her for business and she's
Speaker:been reading my book and she said,
Speaker:Jennifer, it's just like,
Speaker:it's really good.
Speaker:And I'm like,
Speaker:Oh thank you so much.
Speaker:And she's like,
Speaker:no, I mean like it's really good.
Speaker:I'm like,
Speaker:Oh Hey,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:I'm saying thank you so much.
Speaker:She goes,
Speaker:here's what she said,
Speaker:she couldn't get over.
Speaker:She goes,
Speaker:I'm reading your book and I'm thinking this has to be
Speaker:so hard.
Speaker:Like you worked for a year to lay this out.
Speaker:And I went through four different copies and I got down
Speaker:to six days before the deadline for the book and I
Speaker:threw away the third copy and started the book over because
Speaker:I didn't like it.
Speaker:And at uni gram three and sometimes we do crazy things
Speaker:like that.
Speaker:And so she's like,
Speaker:I can't imagine how much work that wasn't how hard that
Speaker:was to get it out into the world and lodging it
Speaker:like you are.
Speaker:And yet the last time I was with you in Canada
Speaker:cause we were in Canada together for a mastermind,
Speaker:a bunch of girls wanted to go to a hip hop
Speaker:dance class and back in high school I used to do
Speaker:dancing like on the drill team and stuff.
Speaker:I loved it.
Speaker:I did a ton of dancing like in my college years.
Speaker:And then I got to this point where I like,
Speaker:I still want to dance but I feel like middle aged
Speaker:and I feel like I don't move the way I used
Speaker:to and I look like a 48 year old woman instead
Speaker:of a teenager.
Speaker:And so I've gotten like so far away from dancing that
Speaker:when a bunch of girls in my mastermind wanted to go
Speaker:to my hip hop dance class,
Speaker:I literally freaked out and they were like,
Speaker:Jen, come on.
Speaker:And I'm like,
Speaker:I can't do it.
Speaker:Like I literally can't dance in front of a room of
Speaker:people. And so Susan was so precious.
Speaker:She's like,
Speaker:help me understand how you can write a book and put
Speaker:it out into the world.
Speaker:And yet you could not get like you freak out over
Speaker:a dance class and isn't that funny?
Speaker:Like the things that terrify us and the things that we
Speaker:allow to have control.
Speaker:I eventually did go to the hip hop dance class with
Speaker:them in the spring time,
Speaker:but gosh,
Speaker:it just,
Speaker:it's so interesting to me how all of us have things
Speaker:that we're scared of and that we're scared to do and
Speaker:they kind of rear their heads at the oddest moments.
Speaker:It's true.
Speaker:Why does that happen?
Speaker:I'm not,
Speaker:but I think you know,
Speaker:if there was only a way that we could,
Speaker:when we're in that moment,
Speaker:remember, okay,
Speaker:two months from now this isn't going to matter or everybody
Speaker:else in that hip hop class is going to be feeling
Speaker:the same way or won't it be great when I'm doing
Speaker:videos on tick tock Jenner.
Speaker:Okay. My 12 year old daughter,
Speaker:she keeps asking me to tick tock whether I think one
Speaker:of these days I'm going to have to,
Speaker:I've done a couple with her but we haven't like published
Speaker:them or she's put them on her account instead of mine.
Speaker:But anyway.
Speaker:Yeah. I'm like,
Speaker:gosh, I'm probably gonna.
Speaker:It's so funny,
Speaker:like God's had me in this.
Speaker:It's been eight years now that I keep having different things
Speaker:put in front of me that I want to do,
Speaker:but then I'm scared to do and then I have to
Speaker:muster up the courage to do,
Speaker:and courage by the way,
Speaker:is different than confidence.
Speaker:I have that whole conversation in the book because we're never
Speaker:confident in the beginning.
Speaker:We can't be confident about something we've never done before,
Speaker:and so like right now it's so funny,
Speaker:the hip hop dance thing and the tic TAC,
Speaker:that is totally like something that I keep looking at thinking,
Speaker:why am I so nervous about doing this?
Speaker:It's dumb.
Speaker:It's dancing,
Speaker:dancing. I know,
Speaker:but you feel vulnerable for sure.
Speaker:A hundred percent and if you in the past,
Speaker:because like you,
Speaker:I was in cheerleading and dance and gymnastics and all of
Speaker:that, I would no sooner do some of those moves now.
Speaker:Not a chance.
Speaker:Right. But I want to get back to this point because
Speaker:I want everyone,
Speaker:first of all to really be listening to what Jennifer's saying
Speaker:and get the book because it's really going to help you.
Speaker:But I also want them to take away something that we're
Speaker:talking about right here and we've already given people some good
Speaker:things to think about.
Speaker:But one of the things you talked about,
Speaker:and I'm going to relate this to your hip hop,
Speaker:is you're talking about being confident or having courage and you
Speaker:talk in the book about sometimes the lack of confidence is
Speaker:really the lack of,
Speaker:because when You have the experience,
Speaker:you'll feel more confident.
Speaker:Yep. That's a hundred percent then I relate it to like
Speaker:when each of our kiddos learn how to walk.
Speaker:Like I couldn't expect them to be confident about walking and
Speaker:when they started to walk,
Speaker:like how would they ever feel confident about something that they
Speaker:have never done before?
Speaker:Right. And I think about how like our son's getting ready
Speaker:to go to college or how our daughter we're adopting,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:we should the first day of kindergarten this year and she
Speaker:was so nervous and like there's no way I could look
Speaker:at her and expect her to be confident.
Speaker:She never by the kindergarten.
Speaker:This is all new.
Speaker:And so I think that so many women are waiting to
Speaker:do things until they feel confident.
Speaker:But the truth is they need courage and confidence may or
Speaker:may not come afterwards.
Speaker:And I talk a lot.
Speaker:I have a whole chapter in the book where I talk
Speaker:about how God used the triathlon for my 40th birthday to
Speaker:kind of demonstrate this to me over and over.
Speaker:I've done 10 triathlons in the last eight years and I've
Speaker:had a panic attack in the water on every single triathlon
Speaker:because I had to learn how to swim as an adult.
Speaker:As a 39 year old woman,
Speaker:I started taking swim lessons.
Speaker:I had never put my head under water on purpose.
Speaker:And so I'm still not a confident swimmer,
Speaker:but I am confident that I'm not going to die.
Speaker:And the truth is I just keep being courageous and just
Speaker:keep signing up for another triathlon.
Speaker:I didn't go for another triathlon.
Speaker:So there's such a huge difference between courage and confidence.
Speaker:And it saddens me when I see confidence being sold to
Speaker:people because you can't buy it.
Speaker:Like you can't manifest it,
Speaker:you can't buy it.
Speaker:You can't Cray it into existence.
Speaker:Confidence only comes from doing things that you're scared to do
Speaker:and realizing,
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:it did not kill me.
Speaker:Proving to yourself that you can do it.
Speaker:Exactly. You need that evidence to yourself that you can do
Speaker:hard things and still make it.
Speaker:And that's how you will eventually perhaps maybe walk around a
Speaker:little more competently,
Speaker:but not all the time.
Speaker:I think confidence is such a weird thing and I see
Speaker:it being marketed and sold and packaged up and put in
Speaker:books and courses and classes and the bottom line is you've
Speaker:just got to do the thing over and over without confidence
Speaker:in the beginning.
Speaker:You just need courage.
Speaker:And hopefully competence will come.
Speaker:We're going to continue talking about competence and doing the things
Speaker:that you're scared to do right after a quick word from
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Speaker:Part of the conversation about confidence right now is going live
Speaker:on call it Instagram,
Speaker:Facebook, you know,
Speaker:wherever you know it's like the Mel Robbins five,
Speaker:four, three,
Speaker:two one push the start button.
Speaker:Just start talking,
Speaker:right? Yeah.
Speaker:Well and right now,
Speaker:I mean and you know this is what I actually coach
Speaker:women in is like how to build a business in the
Speaker:online space using social media.
Speaker:And I was just telling someone else this morning,
Speaker:right now where we're in the middle of the world looking
Speaker:a little different,
Speaker:a lot different than than a month ago.
Speaker:People are craving live interaction so much and then we can't
Speaker:meet face to face.
Speaker:But the best thing you can do is try to meet
Speaker:people in the online space with video and the Instagram stories
Speaker:or I think the blacks cause we're craving like eye contact.
Speaker:We're crazy being seen and seeing others and so it's such
Speaker:a great time to be using live video.
Speaker:Absolutely agree with you.
Speaker:And you come as you are.
Speaker:You be who you are.
Speaker:You're not trying to replicate anybody else.
Speaker:But the point that we're talking about here is just to
Speaker:have the courage to do it.
Speaker:And you said earlier,
Speaker:Jennifer is like,
Speaker:think of the other person that you're helping.
Speaker:Don't put the eyes on yourself.
Speaker:Put the eyes on your audience,
Speaker:that one person in the audience and who you're helping.
Speaker:Yes, exactly.
Speaker:A hundred percent if when you quit thinking just only about
Speaker:yourself, it really puts things in a different perspective and I
Speaker:think that when we're completely me focused me,
Speaker:focused me,
Speaker:focus, the confidence thing becomes a bigger deal.
Speaker:But when we are looking at everybody else,
Speaker:then we're able to more lean into our courage because I've
Speaker:got four kids in this house who are watching mom.
Speaker:They need mom to be courageous because who's going to teach
Speaker:them that?
Speaker:Social media follow you on half a million people watching me.
Speaker:I don't need to be confident,
Speaker:but I do need to be courageous and show up for
Speaker:them too.
Speaker:So yeah,
Speaker:I'm all about living with courage and confidence.
Speaker:It may or may not show up.
Speaker:You say something else in your book that I won't challenge
Speaker:you because I totally agree with,
Speaker:but I think that there will be people who will have
Speaker:to go back and read it again.
Speaker:And that is,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:you talk about,
Speaker:and I see this also is that people aren't,
Speaker:because I work with people to help them turn their hobby
Speaker:or their craft into a business and then you're focusing specifically
Speaker:online growing the business,
Speaker:like all of that.
Speaker:But I see resistance so much when people are saying,
Speaker:yeah, but my kids are still young yet I'm not quite
Speaker:ready. And I kind of feel like that's just okay,
Speaker:I'm going to dip my toe in.
Speaker:But I have a great excuse if I can't do it
Speaker:right now because my kids are still too young.
Speaker:So it's either the time or the attention and we all
Speaker:know my kids are grown now,
Speaker:so I'm a little farther along with it than you are.
Speaker:But what you talk about is your children have to see
Speaker:that you care about other things in addition to them.
Speaker:It's not always about them.
Speaker:Yeah, it can't be.
Speaker:If your kids think that life completely revolves around them,
Speaker:that your life revolves all around them and serving them.
Speaker:I mean imagine when they get out into the real world
Speaker:someday and the disservice you'd have just done that.
Speaker:And I tried to really remind women,
Speaker:you were someone before you were someone's mom and before you
Speaker:were someone's wife,
Speaker:I guess we were supposed to serve our families.
Speaker:And you know that I love the Lord with all my
Speaker:heart. It,
Speaker:it is biblical to serve your family,
Speaker:to serve your and all of that.
Speaker:And yet God has a call on your life too.
Speaker:And so sometimes that may look like,
Speaker:like I shutter to think that I,
Speaker:cause I raised all three kids,
Speaker:I stayed home full time with them and started my business
Speaker:from home and wasn't changing diapers and faxing over invoices at
Speaker:the same time.
Speaker:So I know all about raising my kids while I'm building
Speaker:a business.
Speaker:It pains me when I see women say that they can't
Speaker:and they blame it on the kids.
Speaker:And I still often wonder is it really that you can't
Speaker:or is it just a way to self protect isn't a
Speaker:way for you to just keep putting off the thing that
Speaker:you really want to do because it's easier to say I
Speaker:don't have the time or I can't make the time right
Speaker:now. Then to actually start doing it and see if it
Speaker:would actually work.
Speaker:Most of the time it's a self protection thing and I
Speaker:really challenge women to think too like who is going to
Speaker:teach your kids what it looks like to be courageous and
Speaker:to live for something bigger than themselves.
Speaker:If all they see is you living for them,
Speaker:like you have to demonstrate for them.
Speaker:The schools teach our kids algebra and Spanish classes and go
Speaker:to church on the weekends and they're getting taught by the
Speaker:children's pastor there and who's teaching our kids courage.
Speaker:That has to be us as parents.
Speaker:It has to be.
Speaker:Yeah, and to think for themselves because there may be a
Speaker:time when you're not going to be there,
Speaker:right. The second a soccer game starts or you know,
Speaker:whatever the activities are,
Speaker:but you're on your way and there are times they have
Speaker:to think for themselves,
Speaker:I've got to get my uniform on right.
Speaker:Or whatever the issues are.
Speaker:You can't always necessarily be there.
Speaker:And you hear about the helicopter<inaudible> to save the day.
Speaker:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker:I don't think that served people well.
Speaker:We don't give our children enough credit.
Speaker:Yeah. We don't let them show themselves that they can do
Speaker:it. And my kids can figure out how to make videos
Speaker:on tic-tac.
Speaker:They can sure figure out how to come off the floor.
Speaker:There you go.
Speaker:And so did you always feel that way or did you
Speaker:have to come to this way of thinking as you started
Speaker:your business while you were home and your kids were home
Speaker:too? Well,
Speaker:I think that as I've grown as a business owner and
Speaker:grown as a thought leader,
Speaker:then I sit and think a lot about what I think.
Speaker:And then I've noticed more too,
Speaker:just how other ways of thinking.
Speaker:Like sometimes I think you can kind of figure out what
Speaker:you're calling.
Speaker:Maybe I also figured out the things that really like cause
Speaker:you like so much irritation and you're like,
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:that just makes me so mad when I see people doing
Speaker:XYZ. So I think I'm just really trying to lean more
Speaker:into that.
Speaker:I always knew that I wanted to be home full time
Speaker:with my kids.
Speaker:If I had started my teen business right before we got
Speaker:pregnant with our oldest son Noah.
Speaker:And so then they were like making money and I and
Speaker:the business was doing well and I'm like,
Speaker:well I don't want to just close it down.
Speaker:Like how can I figure it out and how can I
Speaker:figure out a way where I can still make this income
Speaker:but still be able to be home full time with Noah
Speaker:if I kept having more kids right in a row after
Speaker:that. And so I think that I've always been somebody who
Speaker:just, I'm scrappy enough to try to figure it out.
Speaker:Tips for anyone.
Speaker:We're talking about the confidence and the courage and that you
Speaker:just have to get started.
Speaker:Any tips for People who are listening here are right at
Speaker:the starting line of something and they just can't do it.
Speaker:They can't step over and get going.
Speaker:Sure. So I talk in the book about algebra.
Speaker:I talk about how often when I feel like I need
Speaker:to do something that's a big,
Speaker:hard and scary and it doesn't mean that that could be
Speaker:launching a book.
Speaker:That could be a hip hop class,
Speaker:right? Like what's big to me may not be big to
Speaker:you and vice versa.
Speaker:And so when I'm thinking,
Speaker:okay, that's just something I want to do or I feel
Speaker:like I'm supposed to be doing,
Speaker:but I'm scared to do it,
Speaker:you have to figure out what is your own personal algebra
Speaker:problem. When I walk this through,
Speaker:I can't remember which chapter it is,
Speaker:but I walk it through in one of the chapters,
Speaker:if you're not the boss of you.
Speaker:So for me,
Speaker:basically my algebra problem is this.
Speaker:I have to figure out what is on the other side
Speaker:of that greater than sign that we used to do that
Speaker:in sixth grade.
Speaker:Algebra like four is greater than 200 to the 90 and
Speaker:so for me,
Speaker:what is greater than fear?
Speaker:So you have to figure out the things in your life
Speaker:that are more important than your feelings of fear.
Speaker:So for me,
Speaker:number one has got,
Speaker:so if I feel like God's allowing me to do something,
Speaker:like my answer needs to be yes,
Speaker:even though I'm scared.
Speaker:Number two,
Speaker:it's my family.
Speaker:I have a husband and children who need for mom to
Speaker:really show up and because they're watching and more with our
Speaker:kids is caught than taught.
Speaker:So I can be teaching my kids and talking to them
Speaker:all day long about courage,
Speaker:being brave and putting out for the soccer team and try
Speaker:out for the play or whatever.
Speaker:But if they don't see mom like demonstrating that in real
Speaker:life, like then it's just all hypocrisy and words.
Speaker:And the last thing is showing up for our community.
Speaker:So I think we all have people that are watching,
Speaker:whether it's the neighbor girl or the woman at the grocery
Speaker:store. If we ever get to go back to grocery stores
Speaker:or like I have a half a million social media at
Speaker:the answer,
Speaker:I have a responsibility,
Speaker:a responsibility to show up for those people and the people
Speaker:who call me mom and my husband who calls me white.
Speaker:And so whenever I have something big,
Speaker:hard and scary right in front of me and I'm like,
Speaker:I just can't,
Speaker:like, it feels too big.
Speaker:Then I'm like,
Speaker:okay, but this guy calling me to it because my family
Speaker:need this from me or does my community need this for
Speaker:me? And a lot of times that will spur me into
Speaker:action when I take the focus off of myself and realize
Speaker:that I have to live or things outside of just me.
Speaker:This was a big point that I really never thought about
Speaker:before reading the book.
Speaker:I mean I always think of my audience,
Speaker:the people who are listening to me for business,
Speaker:you know,
Speaker:for some type of business purpose,
Speaker:but not really the fact that the other people that you
Speaker:interact with.
Speaker:And I'll tell you like my friends,
Speaker:some of the other people in the clubs that I'm part
Speaker:of are watching what I'm doing.
Speaker:They're never going to start their own businesses,
Speaker:but I'm modeling things for them.
Speaker:That may be they'll start other things maybe that like I
Speaker:have a friend who just started second city because she thought
Speaker:it would be fun to act when she has the courage
Speaker:for that.
Speaker:So it's not all about business always.
Speaker:It's about building a richer life and not at the end
Speaker:saying, man,
Speaker:I wish I would have done something like this.
Speaker:You A hundred percent yes and I talk about that like
Speaker:if people are watching you and if they can watch you
Speaker:slay your own dragons,
Speaker:it gives them like this permission and this little bit of
Speaker:courage try to go slay the wrong and that could be
Speaker:like exactly what you said,
Speaker:building a business.
Speaker:It could be adopting a child,
Speaker:starting their family that way.
Speaker:It could be switching jobs like whatever it is for them,
Speaker:but when people see you do big,
Speaker:hard and scary things and they see you do it afraid,
Speaker:it means so much more courageous to do that in their
Speaker:own life.
Speaker:Absolutely, and I think it's also not always that they see
Speaker:us do it and we're successful because that could even make
Speaker:them more scared.
Speaker:Right. They see that maybe we stumble a little bit and
Speaker:we keep going and maybe it's a different version of what
Speaker:we initially intended,
Speaker:but we did it by,
Speaker:gosh, how was that?
Speaker:I agree with that.
Speaker:Well, I know your time is limited.
Speaker:You probably have like a million interviews you're doing for this
Speaker:book. You have a lot,
Speaker:but it's great.
Speaker:I love being here.
Speaker:I really do.
Speaker:Well and I'm glad you are because I'm glad the message
Speaker:is getting out.
Speaker:Please share with everybody like in a sentence or two yours
Speaker:synopsis of what the people are going to get from your
Speaker:book. Yeah,
Speaker:so many people have described it exactly like I hope it's
Speaker:like getting a big hug from a friend who says you
Speaker:can do it,
Speaker:girl, but you're also getting a Swift kick in the pants
Speaker:and like being told not to get out there and go.
Speaker:And so if you're somebody who has stuck,
Speaker:overwhelmed or have been really just trapped with fear,
Speaker:it's a book that's going to,
Speaker:I think,
Speaker:give you the courage to get after the thing in life
Speaker:that you're really wanting.
Speaker:Beautiful. And we can find it on Amazon.
Speaker:I know it's hard back.
Speaker:Is it other versions as well?
Speaker:It's on audible and I read it myself,
Speaker:so it's on audible.
Speaker:It's on Kindle.
Speaker:You can find it@walmart.com
Speaker:target.com we're praying that we're going to get it into the
Speaker:actual physical stores,
Speaker:but it is on books,
Speaker:a million Barnes and noble and Amazon.
Speaker:Wonderful. Well thank you so much for being here.
Speaker:I so appreciated gift biz listeners.
Speaker:I highly recommend this book.
Speaker:I know it will do so much and open your eyes
Speaker:in so many different ways.
Speaker:For a lot of you who I've been interacting with,
Speaker:so get Jennifer's book,
Speaker:make, do a review on Amazon for her.
Speaker:That always helps.
Speaker:We'd like to help you get into Barnes and noble or
Speaker:wherever you're wanting to go.
Speaker:Maybe it's the airport bookstores,
Speaker:I don't know,
Speaker:but I'm pretty sure we're going to see it there.
Speaker:Jennifer, From your lips to God's ears,
Speaker:so thank you for that.
Speaker:I appreciate it.
Speaker:Oh, well thank you so much for being here today and
Speaker:sharing some of your book.
Speaker:Take care of it.
Speaker:What better time than now to head over to Amazon and
Speaker:grab Jennifer's book.
Speaker:I know it will serve you well and if you take
Speaker:her guidance to heart,
Speaker:you'll emerge from our quarantine with a new approach.
Speaker:It's exciting to think of what that's going to be next
Speaker:week. We're tackling the topic of organizing.
Speaker:I've watched all of you arrange your work rooms,
Speaker:redo your websites,
Speaker:and organize your closets and kitchens.
Speaker:Now we'll take it to another level.
Speaker:See what I mean when you listen in next week.
Speaker:Oh, and one more thing.
Speaker:Would you do me a favor and leave a review for
Speaker:the show?
Speaker:I've made it super easy for you to do so.
Speaker:Just head over to rate this podcast.com
Speaker:forward slash gift biz unwrapped and there you'll see a direct
Speaker:link. Not sure what to write.
Speaker:I'd love to know something you've learned from the show or
Speaker:a favorite episode that really resonated with you.
Speaker:I know when I leave a review,
Speaker:that's where I get stuck.
Speaker:What do I say?
Speaker:So there you go.
Speaker:I've given you some ideas once again.
Speaker:No, how much I appreciate you being here and I can't
Speaker:wait to be together again next week for now.
Speaker:Stay safe and be well.
Speaker:I want to make sure you're familiar with my free Facebook
Speaker:group called gift is breeze.
Speaker:It's a place where we all gather and our community to
Speaker:support each other.
Speaker:Got a really fun post in there.
Speaker:That's my favorite of the week.
Speaker:I have to say where I invite all of you to
Speaker:share what you're doing,
Speaker:to show pictures of your product,
Speaker:to show what you're working on for the week,
Speaker:to get reaction from other people and just for fun because
Speaker:we all get to see the wonderful products that everybody in
Speaker:the community is making.
Speaker:My favorite post every single week without doubt,
Speaker:wait, what aren't you part of the group already?
Speaker:If not,
Speaker:make sure to jump over to Facebook and search for the
Speaker:group gift biz breeze.
Speaker:Don't delay.